


Consequences

by TheFallingApple



Category: Castle
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2012-09-23
Packaged: 2017-11-07 06:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFallingApple/pseuds/TheFallingApple
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.  Season four post-finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to **Zandra_Court** for reading this and providing such insightful feedback. I really appreciate it.

_~*~*~*~*~_

Castle watches the muted grey morning light wash over Kate’s shoulders where they peek out above the sheet. Even with her head turned away she looks more relaxed than he’s seen her in months. The fact that it’s here in his space, with him, that she’s finally been able to lay down her burden releases something inside him that has been knotted and tight since he watched her fall to the ground almost a year ago. 

He stays until the temptation to tease her awake is stronger than the will to let her rest. Reluctantly, he drags his body out of bed, placating himself with the prospect of returning to her with breakfast. Knowing Kate, she will not have eaten since the chaos began the previous day.

As he passes through his study, he picks up his phone out of habit and flicks it on while he heads to the kitchen. The missed call notification from Beckett glares at him accusingly and he grimaces before turning the phone off again and laying it on the counter. 

Considering breakfast options, he opens the refrigerator to see what’s available, then checks the cabinet. If ever a morning called for pancakes…. He grins. He should probably make four kinds of pancakes.

The strange background buzzing doesn’t register as his phone for a few rings and when it does he glances at it, perplexed. He never gets calls this early unless it’s Beckett calling with a case, and it’s clearly not her.

Instead, Ryan’s picture pops up on his display and he feels a tug of regret that the real world is encroaching already.

“Ryan?”

“Castle.” Ryan sounds breathless and even over the phone the relief in his voice is palpable. 

“What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Okay? Actually not really. I was just calling…Castle, have you heard from Beckett? I’ve been trying to reach her and she’s not answering. I finally went to her apartment but she isn’t answering her door. I’m not sure what happened between you two yesterday, but I thought maybe…” He takes a breath and his voice steadies and grows more serious. “Things didn’t go well yesterday. I’d feel better if I knew she was-”

“Ryan?”

“Yeah?”

“She’s here.”

“She’s…she’s there?” There’s a pause and then, “Oh. _Oh._ That’s good, right?”

Castle has to chuckle. “Yeah, it’s good. Really good.”

He can hear Ryan let out a long sigh. “I’m just glad to know where she is.”

“Ryan, are you okay?”

“I was worried. It was a close call, Castle. Way, way too close. And that guy is still out there. When he realizes she’s-” He stops speaking abruptly and then asks, “Did she tell you anything?”

“We haven’t really talked yet.”

“Oh. Of course. Right,” Ryan stutters apologetically and if Castle weren’t so concerned about what he is saying the awkwardness would make him laugh out loud.

“She did tell me that she almost died, but I didn’t get any specifics. Yet.”

“That’s an understatement, but I should probably let her tell you the details.” He stops, but Castle can tell there is more he wants to say. “The thing is, Beckett and Esposito went off on their own against protocol and without backup.” With a resigned sigh, he adds, “I…uh…I called in Gates.” His tone becomes more grim. “There were consequences. At the precinct. With Gates.”

“She hasn’t said anything about that.”

“Hopefully she will.”

“It sounds like, if I’m understanding you correctly, that if you hadn’t been there…?”

“Yeah.” The word hangs heavy in the silence that follows.

“Thank you, man,” he whispers. “Thank you.”

He can hear Ryan clearing his throat. “I wanted you to know, Castle, when we found her she was calling your name. I think she was a little disappointed it was just me when we hauled her up.”

“Hauled her up?” Castle asks, confused, then closes his eyes and says a silent prayer to whatever god has seemingly gifted Kate with more than her fair share of lucky chances. “Clearly there’s much more to this story that I need to get from Beckett. Is Esposito okay?”

“Esposito is,” Ryan says haltingly. “Yes, he’s okay.” 

“Ryan?”

His reply is defeated, empty. “Like I said, there were consequences. He hasn’t talked to me since he left Gates’ office.”

“He’ll come around. He’s got to.”

“Maybe,” he says roughly. “He’s, uh, off the grid at the moment.” 

“Ryan, whatever else happens, I’ll never forget this. I owe you.” He’s getting choked up and he doesn’t even care. “I owe you _everything_.” He takes a few long breaths to steady his voice. “Is there anything I can do?”

“Just.” He breathes in and out but his voice is still shaky when he continues. “Just tell Beckett that I’m glad she’s safe. And Castle?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really happy it worked out for you two.” The words and the sentiment ring true, but they don’t fully mask the younger detective’s sadness.

 

_to be continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath. Season four post-finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a post-finale fic that turned into a multi-chapter story. I'm aiming to post a chapter a week. Thank you to **Zandra_Court** for agreeing to read this and for all the helpful comments and questions.

_The night before_

Javier wraps Lanie into him, her head coming to rest on the part of his chest that is still thumping soundly. Her breathing slows in unison with his heartbeat and she lets her eyes slip closed so that she can savor it. She’s not quite sure what prompted his visit, but there is clearly something going on.

They’re not strangers to the occasional booty call, but this is the first that hasn’t begun with some kind of manufactured pretext. Flimsy as the reasons are, there is always an excuse: he found something of hers at his place, she finds herself in his neighborhood with one too many drinks in her to drive home. This time, though, he’d shown up at her door without warning and when she’d asked why he was there, he’d pulled her into his arms and whispered, “I just needed to see you.”

The statement was unusual enough to give her pause but he hadn’t allowed her time to reflect on it before his lips were on hers and his fingers began trailing down the sides of her body to tease the exposed skin at her hips. Javier had always been the dominant one in their lovemaking, preferring to make her cry out in need rather than the other way around. It probably should offend her feminist sensibilities, but seriously, who was she to complain?

Tonight had been no exception. His fingers, lips and tongue had her keening inside of five minutes and as gentle as he was, he’d been relentless in pursuit of her pleasure. Still, she’d sensed a thread of something new, a kind of desperation to be what she’d needed. Now, recognizing that the best time to get anything out of him is in the post-orgasm haze, she lifts her head and kisses him lightly on the chest.

“So, and don’t get me wrong, because I’m not complaining at all, but are you going to tell me what prompted this visit?”

“I just wanted to see you.”

“Usually the booty calls involve some kind of actual call.”

He tenses under her. “Do you have to call it that?”

“Just calling it like I see it.”

“Maybe you need to look a little harder,” he says, a sharp edge in his voice.

It’s the same argument they’ve had too many times before. He’d wanted more than sex with her, maybe even – and he’d only just barely hinted at it – a future - but he hadn’t been able to open up and let her in enough for her to trust her whole heart to him. She’d have been happy to keep things as they were, and for a while they’d existed in an uneasy stalemate, but the infamous dinner with Kevin and Jenny had ripped open the wounds with disastrous results.

Lanie tamps down the impulse to snap back. Whatever is going on here is bigger than their petty arguments. “Okay,” she says softly, lifting up to lean on her elbow. “I’m looking. So what’s going on?”

“Just a rough day.”

She eyes him suspiciously, then gives him a sharp jab in the ribs.

“Ow! Lanie!”

“Rough day, huh? You were wincing during sex, and I know it wasn’t because of the quality of the experience, so you are going to tell me how you got kicked around,” she fixes him with a stern glare, “or I’m gonna hurt you myself.”

“Easy, woman.”

“Don’t you ‘woman’ me. Now spill.”

He shifts to face her, and can’t hide the grimace when he does. Once settled, he looks up to meet her gaze. “We got a lead on Beckett’s shooter and we wanted to get to him before he got word and ran.”

“And let me guess, you went off without backup. How did that go for you?”

His face goes rigid and she can tell she’s hit a nerve. “Not well. He got away.”

She can tell there’s more, but she just waits patiently. Finally he ducks his head and admits darkly, “Ryan called in Gates.”

“Ah.”

“She put us on administrative leave.”

“Us?”

“Beckett and I.”

“I’m sorry you got dragged into that.”

He rounds on her, annoyed. “Dragged into it? Don’t you get it? She’s my squad leader. I was protecting her.” 

She does get it. She understands that it’s Beckett’s stubbornness that got them into a mess she couldn’t handle and that Esposito is too loyal to put the responsibility on her. She also knows Esposito well enough to know that taking away his badge is akin to ripping out his identity and holding it hostage. 

Lanie reaches out and intertwines her fingers with his, squeezing gently. He responds with a heartbroken smile.

“Is Kate okay?”

He nods, but then shakes his head. “She resigned.”

“She resigned?” Her voice rises in surprise. “Kate Beckett quit the force?”

“She just packed up her bag and walked out of there.” It’s then that she sees it, the smallest shift in his expression, the hurt and betrayal that he’ll never admit to another soul. He followed her out of loyalty and when they got called on it – by his partner, another betrayal he’s still processing – she walked away.

Lanie’s not entirely sure what it means for them that Javier’s here, but for now, she’ll be here for whatever he needs. And right here, right now, she just lets herself be a distraction, lets him not think for a while.

~*~*~*~*~

Kate watches Castle hang up the phone and stare at it thoughtfully for a long moment before he looks up and notices her leaning against the wall. He frowns slightly as he walks toward her. “I was going to bring you breakfast in bed.”

“We can still take it back there,” she says saucily.

His hands tug lightly on the open edges of the robe she had grabbed from the chair in his room and slide inside to rest on her hips. “Where did this Kate Beckett come from and can I keep her?” He’s obviously joking, but she sees the fear flash across his face the moment he realizes what he’s said.

Lifting her hand to brush the backs of her fingers along his jaw, she says, smiling softly, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He nods wordlessly, pressing his lips to her forehead and letting them linger there as her arms wrap around his waist and his pull her into a tight hug. There’s something a little frantic in the way he holds her and she asks gently, “Who was on the phone?” 

“Ryan.”

“What did he want?”

“He was worried about you. He’s been trying to call and even went to your apartment looking for you.”

“Oh,” she says sheepishly, pulling her phone from the pocket of the robe, “Well, he’s not the only one.” Off the questioning lift of his brow, she adds, “Lanie. And a text from Esposito.”

“They’re worried, Kate. That guy is still out there and after everything that happened yesterday…”

“What did he tell you?”

“Enough to make me feel really scared and really, really lucky. Kate, you’re going to tell me what happened, right?”

“I’m not sure you’re going to want to know.”

“Maybe, but I need to know.”

She lets out a resigned sigh. “We found out where he was staying and Esposito and I went to check it out.”

“Alone?”

“If there are still people in the department covering for him, I didn’t want to alert anyone.” His expression tightens at the flimsy reasoning. “We found his hotel room and all of Montgomery’s things were there, even a photo album. It looked like a wedding photo was missing. They’re looking for something or someone. Then he came back and surprised us, took down Esposito. I chased him onto the roof.”

“He took down Esposito and you went after him by yourself?”

She smiles wryly, “In retrospect, not the greatest plan.”

He stares at her. “How can you make light of it like that?”

“Because if I don’t.” She stops, closing her eyes for a moment before she continues. “If I really stop and think about it, it scares the shit out of me.”

His voice goes soft, gentle, “Tell me what happened next.” 

“He doubled back behind me and then kicked the crap out of me. While we were fighting I got knocked over the edge of the building.”

Castle goes completely pale. “You what?”

She just nods, barely able to voice it herself. “He just turned and left me there.”

He’s clearly still in shock. “Ryan said they ‘hauled you up,’ but…”

“I was slipping, had slipped, really. If they’d been any later…” A strangled sob escapes her throat, then tears, then she buries her face in his shoulder and cries, really cries, for the first time since it happened.

It’s a few minutes before her tears start to subside and he hands her a tissue, gathering her close again after she’s wiped her eyes. His voice is low and thick in her ear. “Promise me you won’t take a chance like that again.”

“I won’t have to,” she says ruefully. “I resigned.”

“What? Why did you…”

“Gates put us, me and Esposito, on administrative leave so I resigned.”

“Are you sure about that? Don’t you want to have the option to go back?”

What she’s sure about is that she needs distance from everything that’s had her on a collision course with death. Whether she can regain some kind of objectivity about her mom’s case remains to be seen. She lifts her eyes to his, which are tinged with fear and worry and pain. “The only thing I’m sure about right now is this.”

His returning smile is watery, but brilliant. “I can work with that.” He gives a quick nod. “Now, I want to figure out something to do for Ryan. Haven’t he and Jenny been shopping for a house or condo.”

“Castle!”

“What, don’t you think you’re worth a house?”

She laughs through her disbelief. “You can’t buy him a _house_.”

“A car then.”

Shaking her head, she says sternly, “Just thank him.”

“Already did, but it’s not enough.”

“It’s never really enough, but it’s a part of the job so anything more takes something away from it.” ‘It’s a cop thing,’ she wants to say, but doesn’t, because there’s no way to say it without diminishing him. Saving each other, covering each other, it’s what they do because it’s what it means to be on the force. If they kept track the tally marks would overshadow what is really important. He nods, but she can tell it’s out of agreement rather than understanding.

“You know,” she says softly, switching tacks, “I thought he was you. I was calling for you and I really thought I heard your voice.”

“He told me that too,” he says gruffly, before reaching his hands to either side of her jaw and drawing her in for long, deep kiss. One kiss turns into several and he propels her in the direction of the bedroom.

“Wait, what about breakfast?”

His lips continue down the column of her neck and the words rumble against her skin. “Who needs breakfast?”

“I do, actually. I’m starving. I can’t remember the last time I ate.”

He pulls away reluctantly, but with a knowing shake of his head. “Okay, you sit.” He points at a stool. “I’ll cook. And while you’re at it, you should probably call Lanie.”

~*~*~*~*~

Lanie untangles herself from the sheet and various Esposito limbs just in time to catch Kate’s call before it goes to voicemail. “Girl, it’s about time, where have you been?”

“I’m…uh…” The hesitation is telling enough that the next thing she says is not entirely unexpected. “I’m with Castle.”

“Finally. So what does this mean?”

The pause is significant, but when she speaks, Kate’s voice is quiet and sure. “It means I figured out what’s really important.”

“Took you long enough.”

“Too long,” she says soberly, “but he hasn’t thrown me out, so there might be hope for us yet. So, how about you?”

“What do you mean?” Lanie asks warily.

“Is Esposito with you?”

“Why would you…?” She sighs. “Yes.”

“And what does that mean?”

Lanie wished she knew. “He needed someone and he came here.”

“That’s a start.” Her voice softens. “How is he?”

Lanie glances down where Javier is sprawled out next to her. Even in sleep he’s scowling. “Bruised, body and soul. You too?”

“Yes,” she pauses. “And, uh, yes.”

“Anything you want me to look at…or talk about?”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay, but if anything-”

“I know. I just need some rest.”

“Are you sure you’re going to get that if you’re with Castle?” she teases.

“He’s looking out for me. You’ll be pleased to know that breakfast is on the stove and I’ve been ordered to sit.”

“You make sure he keeps that up, or-”

“Or what, you’ll send Esposito after him?”

“I don’t need to send Esposito,” she insists. “I’m perfectly able to hurt him myself if that becomes necessary.”

Kate laughs, more freely than Lanie has heard in quite some time. “I’ll make sure to pass along the message.”

“Sounds good. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay. And Lanie?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell Esposito thanks for having my back?”

“Right after I yell at him for not talking you out of it.”

~*~*~*~*~

Lanie lays down the phone on the nightstand and rolls back toward Javier. He groans and asks, his voice rough with sleep, “Beckett?”

“Yeah.”

“She okay?”

“She says she is.”

He blinks his eyes open, the scowl firmly back in place. “She’s with Castle?”

“Is that a problem?”

“He walked away. In the middle of everything he walked away.”

“Oh Javi.” She rests her arm across his chest and rubs circles on his bicep with her thumb. “She needed him to walk away, to be forced to make a choice. She needed Ryan to save her sorry ass.” She can feel him tense, start to pull away, but she continues, “And she needed you to stick with her no matter how stupid and stubborn she was being. She asked me to thank you for that.”

“Lotta good it did,” he says sullenly and she waits for him to wrap himself away from her. She’s not expecting him to haul her into him, bury his face in her hair and hold her tight.

 

_to be continued…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath. Season four post-finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for completely failing to meet my own deadline. The end of school was hellacious. But it was the end, so I hope to be able to stay on schedule from here on out. Thanks again to **zandra_court** for reading this and letting me know what it needed.

~*~*~*~*~

Beckett is well and truly starving by the time Castle lies her breakfast in front of her and sits down on the stool next to her with his own plate. She’d told him eggs and toast would be sufficient, but he’d insisted on a full diner spread, said that there had to be pancakes. She looks down at her plate then sideways at him, “You realize you’ve just set the breakfast bar really, really high, right? How are you going to top this?” She gestures at her plate, filled to overflowing with a bacon and cheese omelet, hash browns, sausage, and a stack of four pancakes: blueberry, chocolate chip, banana walnut, and apple cinnamon. 

He grins. “I’ve got a few more tricks up my sleeve. Besides,” he adds gruffly, “you said you were starving.”

She has to turn away from the earnest expression, the one that says ‘If I can’t protect you from assassins at least I can make you breakfast.’ She takes a bite of hash browns, chews, swallows, then turns, smiling softly, “I am, and this is incredible. Thank you.”

They eat slowly, passing each other sections of the paper, Castle getting up to refill her coffee and juice without being asked. It should feel strange to be sitting here in his robe, sharing a paper and breakfast, but she forcibly pushes that thought aside, instead reaching to rest her hand on his knee. He looks at her with a questioning lift of his brow and when she shrugs he wraps his fingers around hers and smiles.

A few minutes later she squeezes his hand. “Castle?”

“Yeah,” he mumbles around his last bite of pancake.

“When is Alexis going to be home?”

He looks up at the clock. “Not sure exactly. She said by lunchtime. Why?”

“I just thought it would be better if she didn’t find out about us because she catches me on my walk of shame.”

He swallows, puts down his fork, expression shuttered. “Is that what you think this is?”

“No.” She swivels toward him, taking his hand with both of hers. “Not at all, but I’m just thinking about what it will look like to her. Yesterday we weren’t…” She stumbles, remembering how close she’d come to leaving him thinking that she didn’t care at all. “We weren’t even dating and then I spent the night.”

“Wasn’t it always going to start that way with us?” he asks, his voice low, gaze heated.

She flushes. “Probably, but do you want her to know that?”

“I don’t think she’s as impressionable as you think she is. She grew up with me, you know.”

She smiles. “I know, but I still think you should tell her first. Besides, I need to go home.” She looks down, gestures across her body. “To get some clothes.”

“Okay,” he relents. “But as long as you’re there, pack a few days worth and come back for dinner.” His suggestion comes out as a question, as if he recognizes that he’s pushing a bit.

“Dinner sounds nice, but I’m not sure I should sleep here when Alexis is here.”

He sighs. “Beckett, she knows I have sex.”

“And that probably traumatizes her enough. She doesn’t need to be imagining it happening while she’s sleeping right upstairs.”

“Let’s just see what she says when I talk to her.” He lifts a questioning brow at her. “Okay?”

She nods cautiously. “Okay.”

“So, we’ll see you for dinner?”

She nods again. “I’d like to buy Ryan a beer after he gets off, though. Esposito too, if he’s around.” She notices Castle twitch, like he’s about to say something and stops himself, but then he grins and pulls her in to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Eight o’clock sound okay?”

“Perfect.”

~*~*~*~*~

Alexis turns her key in the lock quietly, half expecting her dad asleep on the couch after a marathon night of television. She closes the door gently behind her and, not seeing her father on the couch, takes a few more steps.

Then she can’t quite process what she’s seeing because her dad was supposed to be home alone last night, but right now there’s a woman palming his cheek gently in her hand, leaning up on her toes to kiss him and _it doesn’t look new_. They whisper softly, then the woman turns and… _Oh. Of course_. “Detective Beckett,” Alexis blurts just as the detective’s eyes go wide.

“Alexis. Oh God, Alexis. I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry about what?”

“We were…” she begins, stammering. Her dad squeezes her hand and takes over the explanation.

“Kate was on her way out so that when you got home I could break the news without the, um, demonstration.”

The detective still looks chagrined and Alexis asks, “News?”

“Kate and I are…well…together.”

“But when? When I called last night…”

“She came by after you called.”

Kate flushes with embarrassment. “Your dad wasn’t expecting me.”

“No, no I wasn’t,” he says, smiling at her fondly. 

There’s a tug of resentment that Detective Beckett is able to coax that expression from her dad so easily and she doesn’t know what to do with that. Particularly when she looks up to see her father’s hopeful smile and Beckett biting her lip nervously as she asks, “Alexis, are you okay with this?” 

In the face of that, there’s really only one possible answer. “Yes, of course I am. It’s about time,” she says brightly. Right? Of _course_ she’s happy for them, for her dad. She’s just surprised. She hadn’t expected everything to change so much overnight.

Detective Beckett goes to leave, in spite of Alexis’s protests that it isn’t necessary, citing a need for clothing. She promises to be back for dinner, then pulls her dad in for a hug and whispers that she’ll text him later. Before she heads to the door she catches Alexis’s eye and says warmly, “Congratulations. Your dad said your speech was amazing.”

Alexis can’t help but blush. “He’s biased.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s wrong.”

It looks like the detective might want to hug her and for a moment it’s weird, but then they both laugh at the same time and manage a quick embrace.

“Oh, and Alexis,” she says as she pulls back.

“Yeah?”

“Call me Kate? Please?”

“Of course.”

As the door shuts behind Kate her dad pulls Alexis into his side. “You really okay with this, sweetie?”

She rests her head against his shoulder. “Are you happy?”

He turns to her, smiling widely. “Yes, very, very happy.”

Tamping down the questions that nag her, she just hugs him and says, “Then of course I am, Dad.”

~*~*~*~*~

_Beckett: You up for a beer this afternoon? 5:30 at The Old Haunt?_

_Esposito: Sure. How about McCafferty’s instead?_

_Beckett: Sounds good. Ryan, that work for you too?_

_Ryan: I’ll see you there._

 

_Castle: You’re packing an overnight bag, right?_

_Beckett: Are you sure? We should give Alexis some time to get used to this._

_Castle: She told me to make waffles for you two tomorrow._

_Beckett: Really?_

_Castle: Really._

_Castle: And besides, everything is soundproofed._

_Castle: Which is important, because you’re loud. ☺_

_Beckett: Unpacking my bag now._

_Castle: Joking. Please come over. I’ll make it worth your while._

_Beckett: Whatever that means._

_Castle: You having a beer with Ryan?_

_Beckett: Yeah. Espo too._

_Castle: Really? Good. See you after._

~*~*~*~*~

Beckett lowers herself onto a stool next to Ryan. “Seen Esposito?”

Ryan flips on his phone and slides it across the bar. Only minutes after Ryan had confirmed that he’d join them, Esposito had texted: _Tell Beckett I can’t make it._

She turns to him, confused. “Why didn’t he text me?”

“He’s making a point.”

“Which is?”

“He’s not coming because of me.” When he sees that she’s still confused he adds, “He’s not talking to me, because of Gates, because of…” He throws up his hands. “I don’t know.”

“I didn’t know.”

He shrugs and both of them busy themselves with their beers. She stares down into her glass while he takes a few swallows.

When he sets down his glass, Beckett says, “I’m so sorry, Ryan.”

He glances over, genuinely surprised. “Why?”

“For putting you in that position. For making it so you’d have to go to Gates. For getting Esposito in trouble.”

“You’re not responsible for that.”

She turns and fixes him with a pained stare. “You know I am. I told him to come with me.” 

“He would have anyway.”

“Still doesn’t make it right. I shouldn’t have gone after Maddox like that.” She gives him a sad smile. “And you were right to call in Gates.”

“I don’t regret that at all.” He emphasizes the last two words firmly, before adding glumly, “But try telling that to Esposito.”

“He’s got to come around. Maybe he just needs time.”

“Maybe,” he says unconvincingly. “I’m just glad we got there in time.”

“You have no idea.” Words stick in her throat. “Ryan, I don’t know how…” She stops, her voice thick.

“You don’t have to.”

“But Kevin,” she insists, “I do. If you hadn’t been there, I would have…” Her voice breaks and she stops to take in a breath. “I would have died.” The next words are strained, barely audible. “And he never would have known how I feel.”

“We look after each other. It’s what we do, Beckett. You know that.”

“Well, um, thanks,” she says weakly, tapping her glass to his. “Castle thanks you too.”

“He said that.”

Beckett chuckles wryly. “He’s trying to figure out what he can buy you that won’t be too outrageous.”

What’s he got so far?”

“He’s down to a car. I’ll let you know when he settles on dinner or something and we can take you and Jenny out.”

“You sure about that? Turns out we’re not such a great influence on couples.”

“We’ll take our chances.”

He nods, then gestures toward her with his chin. “I’m really happy for you two. I always hoped…” He lets his voice trail off without finishing.

She sighs and gives him a wry smile. “I know, I know. It was a long time coming.” She looks at her watch. “Speaking of, I should probably go. I’m supposed to have dinner with Castle and Alexis.”

“Good, well, tell him hello for me.”

“I will.” She pauses, then adds, more hopefully that she feels, “And Ryan, Esposito will come around eventually.”

His eyes are miserable when he turns toward her. “I hope so.”

~*~*~*~*~

Before she gets out of the door of the bar, Beckett knows she can’t go straight to Castle’s place without kicking some sense into Esposito first. Besides, she has a pretty good idea where to find him and Lanie’s place isn’t too far out of her way.

When Lanie answers the door, her brow is raised in curiosity. “Well, hello Kate. Was I expecting you?” 

“Is he here?” Beckett asks, taking a step inside and peering around her friend.

“Oh, please do feel free to come inside,” Lanie says, stepping aside as Kate spots Esposito on the couch and heads toward him. “Good to see you too. I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me.”

Kate nods vaguely at Lanie and continues into the living room, glowering at Esposito as she says, “Tell Beckett I can’t make it? Is there some reason you can’t text me yourself?” He has the grace to look uncomfortable, but she goes on, “You can’t be in the same room as Ryan but you make him do your dirty work? Ryan is your partner. He’s your _friend_.”

He scowls. “You don’t rat out your partner.”

“Rat you out? He called in backup.” She pins him with a stern gaze. “Which we needed.”

“He went to Gates.”

“He saved our lives.” His expression hardens, defiant. “Fine then, mine.”

She sees a flicker of defeat very briefly before he goes stone-faced again. “Yeah, he’s a hero. That must be why he’s not suspended.” There’s a bitter tone in his voice that throws her and it takes her a moment to put together words for a response.

“He’s not suspended because he’s not the one who went after Maddox without backup. That was me.”

“That was us,” he corrects sharply.

“But it was my responsibility.”

He tenses and his frown deepens. “I went with you. I was your backup. Because you didn’t know who to trust on this one.”

“That was a flimsy excuse and you and I both know it.”

He doesn’t disagree, but adds, “Gates would have taken you off the case. Don’t you want to find your mom’s killer, your shooter?”

She looks back at him, pained. “Of course I want that. You know how important that is to me.”

“So important that you’re packing your bag? That doesn’t sound like the Beckett I know. The Beckett I know wouldn’t stop when she finally got a lead.”

He knows her well enough to hit her and make it count. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “They’re trying to kill me,” she exhales on a shaky breath.

His voice is harsh, almost scolding. “You don’t stop doing your job because it gets dangerous.” He seems determined to be obstinate, without any regard for her feelings.

“You don’t take stupid risks either.” He looks at her like he’s been slapped so she reaches for his forearm and squeezes. “And you don’t ask your friends to take stupid risks either.”

He’s still frowning, unconvinced. “Javi, I was hanging by my fingertips off the side of a building. I was going to fall ten stories and die because I couldn’t let go of this case.” It still hurts to say it, to think about how close a call she’d had. She looks up at him plaintively, pleading his understanding. “I can’t believe that how it’s supposed to happen, that it’s what my mom would have wanted. I just need some distance from it to get some perspective.”

He doesn’t speak right away and when he does it’s quiet. “You going to find that perspective playing house with Castle?”

She ignores the dig and says softly, “I need some time to figure out if I can let go of this case and still be a cop.”

“You’re a detective, Beckett, a great one. You owe yourself more than being Castle’s latest fangirl.”

Anger sharpens her words. “You know me well enough, and dammit Esposito, you know Castle well enough to know that’s not what this is, but if you’re determined to see things differently, there’s not much I can do to change your mind.” She shakes her head in frustration. “I came here to remind you who your partner is.”

“I can’t have a partner without a badge, or did you forget that part?” he says, with a sarcastic bite.

“That’s only temporary.”

“Or maybe it’s a sign that the party is over and it’s time to move on.” He stares at her, shoulders slumped and eyes defeated. She holds his gaze silently for a long moment before standing to leave.

“It doesn’t have to be that way, Javi.”

He doesn’t answer and with a long sigh she turns and walks to the door. Once outside she leans back against the wall, burying her face in her hands.

After a moment, the door opens and closes again. “Now what was that about hanging by your fingers? Girl, you are going to be the death of me.” Kate swallows but can’t get words past the lump in her throat, and Lanie moves toward her. “Come here. I haven’t given you a proper ‘I’m glad you’re not dead’ hug yet. Don’t go doing that again.”

She lets Lanie wrap her arms around her and mumbles back, “That’s the plan.” Then she pulls back, slumps against the wall. “Does he really think all of that? That I’m a coward? That Ryan betrayed him? I didn’t realize…I didn’t know,” she gestures toward the inside of the apartment, “how screwed up everything was.”

Lanie sighs and leans back against the wall beside her. “Honestly? I have no idea what he’s thinking. He doesn’t really talk to me. Some things never change.”

Kate tilts her head to look at Lanie. “Is this what you want? Isn’t that why you broke you up before?”

She shrugs. “He needs me. He doesn’t have anyone else.” Kate screws up her face in protest, but before she can say anything, Lanie adds, “He doesn’t think he does.” 

“Is that going to be enough for you?”

“Not forever, but for now…” She shrugs again. “I’m going to give him some time.”

~*~*~*~*~

Beckett knocks softly on Castle’s door, overnight bag slung over her shoulder. He grins when he opens the door, but when his eyes meet hers his face falls.

“I’m sorry I’m late.”

“What happened?”

“I broke my team.”

He pulls her into his arms, one hand cradling her head and one rubbing circles on her back. “I’m sorry,” he says, giving a resigned sigh.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she mumbles against his chest.

“Ryan said Esposito wasn’t talking. I didn’t know how bad it was.”

“It’s bad. And I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

_to be continued…_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath. Season four post-finale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to **zandra_court** for taking the time to read this and give me feedback. I really appreciate it.

~*~*~*~*~ 

“So,” Castle says, as they’re winding up dinner, “I had an idea.” He’s been a touch more cheerful all night, as if to make up for Kate’s reserve.

“That sounds dangerous,” she says, managing a smile.

“It’s not that bad. It’s Alexis approved.”

Kate glances at Alexis, who grins. “You might even go so far as to say that it was my idea.”

“Oh, I’m not sure about that,” he says. “But that’s not the point. The point is the idea, which was mine and approved by Alexis.”

Kate rolls her eyes, which only earns her another grin.

Finally Alexis blurts out, “Come to the Hamptons with us. Gram is already there and we were planning to join her in the next day or two.”

“The Hamptons.” It’s so ingrained in her to turn down Castle’s invitations (at least the first time he asks) that she almost says no simply out of habit, but she makes herself stop and think and realizes that there is no earthly reason she can’t. “Are you sure you’re okay with that, Alexis? I don’t want to get in the way of your family time.”

“Are you kidding?” she answers happily. “It will be nice to have some help keeping Dad entertained. He’s pretty high maintenance, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“Hey!” he protests and Kate laughs a real laugh for the first time since leaving Lanie’s place earlier that evening.

“Well, in that case I’d be happy to share the burden.”

~*~*~*~*~

Almost as soon as they walk into the Hampton’s house two days later, Martha presses glasses of wine into Beckett and Castle’s hands and says without preamble, “It’s about time the two of you got your heads screwed on straight.”

Castle sighs and says dryly, “It’s nice to see you too, Mother.”

“Oh of course, dear.” She leans in for a quick hug before turning to Beckett, who stands tentatively just inside the door. “I’m so glad that he convinced you to join us,” she says warmly.

“Thank you. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Well Richard, why don’t you show Kate around while Alexis and I get dinner started, then you can help us finish up,” Martha adds, moving to pull Alexis into a hug before leading her toward the kitchen at the back of the house.

Castle’s beach house is surprisingly modest. The rooms are spacious and elegantly decorated, but not ostentatious. What it lacks in grandeur, however, it makes up for in location. Lying at the end of a winding cul-de-sac and set back from the road by a long drive, it is more secluded than she’d expected was possible in such a popular vacation area. 

The main floor of the house is largely open with wide windows that overlook the ocean on two sides. “Wow,” she breathes, looking out the window at the patio, pool, and ocean beyond. “It’s beautiful, Castle.”

“I seem to remember telling you that before,” he teases. “I’m glad I finally got you out here.”

“Yes, I’ll have to thank _Alexis_ for inviting me,” she answers, grinning.

He just shakes his head. “C’mon. Let me show you upstairs.”

Castle leads her up the broad staircase, which looks down into the living space below, then shows her all the rooms in turn. She isn’t at all surprised to find that Martha has wrangled the room with the most spectacular view. Alexis’s is right next to it, with a guest room between hers and Castle’s larger room at the end of the house furthest from the beach. She is about to ask why he’d relegated himself to this end of the house when he ushers her toward a small spiral staircase in the corner. They descend into what is clearly his study, just off the main living area on the first floor.

“Cool, huh?”

“Was the bat cave secret escape feature what sold you on the house?” she asks teasingly.

“Well, the view helped, but yeah, that was a big selling point. I really wanted to convert it to a fireman’s pole, but my mother convinced me that it wouldn’t be safe for Alexis.”

As they walk back toward the kitchen he gestures toward what is clearly a laundry and utility room. “There’s a gym and hot tub through there. Feel free to use whatever you want.” He points toward another door on his right. “And there’s more downstairs, but I’m saving that for after dinner.”

“What? Have you got a dungeon down there?”

“You’ll see,” he answers, with an amused glint in his eye.

~*~*~*~*~

Martha shoos them away from the dishes after dinner. “Oh, go ahead. He’s been waiting to show off the rest of the house to you.”

“Should I be worried?” Kate asks with a smile.

“Only about your sanity, but I’m sure you knew that going into this relationship.”

Castle glares at his mother, then takes Kate’s hand and tugs her gently toward the stairs. “Let’s go before she makes you regret your visit.”

Halfway down the stairs, he stops her, covering her eyes. “Castle! What are you doing? I’m walking down stairs?”

“It just needs to be revealed in its full glory. Don’t worry. I’ll help you down the stairs.”

She takes the last few stairs with his help and feels him pull her around once they reach the bottom. “Aren’t you worried that you’re building this up just a bit too much?”

“Welcome to the Den of Iniquity!” he declares as he pulls his hand away from her eyes. The room she’s in is the size of the main part of the house, with a door that leads to what she assumes is storage under the exercise room. One end of the room is dominated by a truly enormous flat screen television and what looks like every game system available as well as accessories for Guitar Hero, Rock Band and Dance, Dance Revolution. A bar stretches along the back wall, behind a pool table and poker table. The other end of the room has at least twenty arcade games and pinball machines. She looks around the room, slack-jawed, and then scans the arcade titles.

“Castle, you have _The Black Knight_?” She crosses the room and stares at the pinball machine longingly. “How do you ever get any writing done while you’re here?”

“It’s all about having the right incentive.” He nudges her closer to the game. “You can play it, you know. That’s why they’re here.”

She looks up at him and smiles before launching the first ball and turning her attention to the lights and sounds of the game.

“You’re so adorable when you’re concentrating. I had no idea you liked pinball.”

“I’ve said it before, Castle-”

“Yes, I know. The things I don’t know about you could fill a book. Or several books. I just can’t believe that every new thing I find out about you is _so awesome_.”

“It’s just pinball, Castle. I was an only child. Whenever we went somewhere with an arcade my parents would throw me a few quarters to get me out of their hair for a few minute. I learned to make them last.”

“I’m just wondering when I’m going to find the skeletons in your closet. Don’t you have any annoying habits or embarrassing moments hidden away somewhere?”

She shrugs nonchalantly. “I guess you’ll have to keep looking.”

“I plan to,” he says with a devilish grin, as he leans in to kiss her temple. 

“If you insist, but right now you need to back up. I don’t want you to screw up my game.”

“Wow, hardcore.” He pauses and she turns her full attention back to the game until he speaks again. “I’m still surprised though. I would have thought you’d be more interested the arcade games. I’ve got Centipede and Ms. Pacman.”

“Are you kidding? I can download all of those and play them on my computer, if I wanted to, but pinball…”

“Oh, I agree that there’s nothing quite like pinball. That’s why I started collecting them. But for the record, downloaded arcade games can’t hold a candle to the real thing.”

This is a theory they spent the next couple of hours putting to the test before Castle drags her to the other end of the room to play Rock Band. “Turns out I am a mean guitarist and Alexis kills with the drums. How are you at bass?”

“I’m sure I can hold my own, Castle.”

~*~*~*~*~

The next morning, Beckett pounds away at the punching bag in the exercise room, periodically glancing out to check the progress of the incoming tide.

“So, I guess you’re not clear on the concept of vacation,” Castle says behind her, and when she pauses to look at him, he’s adorable in his pajamas, still sleepily wiping his eyes.

“I’m not used to sleeping late.”

“Who said anything about sleeping?” he asks wolfishly.

When she doesn’t answer, he dips his head to meet her eyes, “What?”

“It’s just…I’m not used to…it’s hard to forget that your daughter and mom are right down the hall.”

“Alexis was there when you stayed at the loft…”

“I know, but she was upstairs, and asleep, and…” She presses one of her fists into the other and huffs out a frustrated breath. “I know it makes no sense, and it’s not like either one of them thinks this is innocent, but it’s just weird.”

“Well there’s only one solution then.”

She lifts a brow. “What’s that?”

“They have to go,” he says with mock seriousness. “That, or we need to take the sleeping bags down to the basement.”

Smirking, she says, “Den of iniquity, indeed.” Then she pauses, brow wrinkled. “On second thought, though, I think I’m old enough now that camping out on the floor doesn’t hold quite the appeal it used to. Just, um, give me some time to get used to it.”

“Of course,” he says, pulling her into a hug. “I’ve gotten used to having them around, but I know most single middle-aged guys don’t come with a house full of family.”

He says it as if he thinks it’s a burden, but that’s not it at all. One of the things she loves most about Castle is the way that he treasures his family. They have the kind of relationship she’s always aspired to, but never quite fully realized, even with her mother. It’s just that knowing how close he is to his family, and how much he shares with them, she feels like she still has amends to make before she can find a place in their family. 

Alexis is sending mixed signals, alternating enthusiasm and uneasiness. Martha is as welcoming as always, but she’s not sure how much Castle has told her of their arguments and missteps. She feels like she needs to prove herself worthy of the son and the father. She wants to _be_ worthy of his patience and generosity.

~*~*~*~*~

All of these thoughts sit with her over the next couple of days. Kate is as gracious and helpful as possible while trying to figure out what her place is in the landscape that is Castle’s family. There are moments, cooking dinner together, eating together around the table, that feel like what she’s always hoped for, where she can let down her guard and live in the moment. But there are also moments in which she wonders if, and hopes she isn’t, pulling Castle away from family routines and traditions of which she’s never been a part. It’s a balancing act, she decides, and she wants to make it to the other side without falling off the narrow bridge.

It’s still early the next morning after she’s had a workout and shower and gone back downstairs to run a load of laundry, when Martha pokes her head into the laundry room. “Oh, it’s you Kate. I should have known it wouldn’t be Richard up this early doing laundry.”

“I can wait until later if it will be too noisy or if you need to use it.”

Martha raises her arms and the flowing sleeves of her vibrant dressing gown float dramatically. “Kate, dear, you need to stop acting like a guest.”

“But,” Kate says, stumbling over the words. “Aren’t I?”

“Of course not. You’ve been family for a long time.”

She smiles tentatively. “I know. You’ve always made me feel that way. But this, Rick and I, it feels like a lot to spring on the family, so suddenly. And then to be here staying with you-”

“Oh, my dear thing,” Martha cries, throwing her arms around Kate. “You and Richard are the least sudden thing to happen in a long time.” She pulls back to look her in the eye. “And I knew that if, when, it happened, it was never going to be casual with you two. You care about each other too much.”

Kate can’t help but blush at Martha’s bluntness. The discomfort makes her want to apologize. “I haven’t made it easy on him.”

Martha gives a small nod of acknowledgment, looks as if she’s about to say something, then pauses. “That’s between you and Richard. What matters to me is that he’s happy.” She smiles gently. “You both are.”

Kate blushes again, feels like a teenager. “Yes, we are.”

“That’s all you need to worry about then. As long as you both are happy, you don’t need to worry about his crazy old mother who can’t even manage to live on her own.”

“Martha, that’s not-”

“I know, he’s far more gracious than I deserve.”

Kate reaches for the other woman’s hand and squeezes it. “No, no he’s not.”

Martha just nods gratefully and says, “Thank you, but I should let you get on with your laundry.” She turns to go, then pauses in the doorway and turns back. “Kate?”

“Yes?”

“I promise you I have no intention of meddling in your relationship. Like I said, it’s between you and Richard. But, can I just give you one piece of advice before I shut up about the subject?”

“Of course,” she says, hoping that she isn’t projecting her nervousness.

“At some point Richard is going to do something stupid. Not out of intention, but just because…” She sighs. “Well, he’s always been impulsive and pushes too hard when he gets emotionally invested in something, or someone.” Martha pauses and catches her eye. “Just remember, when it happens, because it most certainly will, that it’s because he loves you so much he doesn’t know what to do with it all.”

Kate can barely speak around the lump in her throat, but she gets out, “I know. I know he does.”

~*~*~*~*~

Kate collapses on top of Castle with a low moan, sighing contentedly as he wraps his arms around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

“God, Kate,” he breathes.

“I know,” she agrees, feeling the interplay of their heartbeats as they gradually slow. She lets out another long sigh before lifting her head and grinning down at him. “I told you I could hold out longer than you.”

He snorts. “Barely. And that thing you did with your hips? Not fair at all.”

“I don’t remember you complaining at the time.”

“Evil woman.”

She laughs, lowering her head to tweak his nipple with her teeth. “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

He gasps, then without warning flips her onto her back, giving her a long slow kiss and mumbling, “So glad my mom and Alexis went shopping. I like you uninhibited.”

She wants to smack him, but she has to admit that he’s right. As much as she’s gradually becoming more comfortable with his family, especially since talking with Martha that morning, knowing that they’re alone does make her feel more free.

“I was right, you know,” he adds.

“About what?”

“I told you it would be good.” He pouts playfully. “I’m just not sure why we had to wait so long.” 

“Well, first, if you’ll remember, I didn’t disagree with you at the time. Secondly, if we’d done this back then I never would have let myself fall for you. It took me a while to see beyond the cliché.” He gives a nod of understanding. The part that goes unspoken is that she has fallen _hard_ for him. It is a thought that makes her belly lurch, but she is starting to welcome the little adjustments and instances of weightlessness as signals that their relationship is moving forward. 

“You’re right,” he agrees soberly before pressing a single tender kiss to her forehead. His voice is husky with feeling when he adds, “I’m so glad we finally figured it out.”

“You’ve no idea,” she answers with a sly grin, which effectively lightens the mood and ensures that there is no more conversation for quite a while. 

She’d never doubted that this part would be good. The chemistry between them had been obvious from the start, and the years together have deepened their trust. She wasn’t quite prepared, however, for the intensity that their deep emotional connection brings to their sexual relationship. How the giving of pleasure is as arousing as receiving it. How holding each other’s gaze heightens the climax. And how waking up in his arms warms her as much as the lovemaking itself. It’s somehow terrifying and comforting all at the same time.

~*~*~*~*~

“Okay, so I called Lucio and made a reservation for seven o’clock.” He turns to look at Kate. “Does that sound okay?”

She nods in agreement as Martha calls from across the room, “Richard, you know you don’t need a reservation there. That man idolizes you.”

“I just like to let him know.” He gives Kate a sheepish grin. “Besides, this gives Mirabella more time to come up with some kind of surprise for us.”

Alexis comes down the front stairs. “Ooh, are we going to Bella Lucio for dinner? I can’t wait to see them!”

Kate watches Castle’s face screw up in consternation as he tries to respond but his mother beats him to it. “Alexis darling, your father is taking Kate to dinner. I thought we could go to that sushi place your father will never take us to.” Looking at Kate, she explains, “I never would have thought that Richard would complain of something being too inventive.”

“What can I say? I like my sushi conventional.” He turns to his daughter, who is clearly trying not to look disappointed. “Alexis, we can all go back another day. I just wanted to introduce-”

She shakes her head, putting on a sunny expression. “It’s fine, Dad. Sushi sounds great. Say hi for me, okay?”

“Of course, sweetie,” he says gently, still clearly concerned. “Have fun with your grandmother.”

“Oh we will,” Martha assures him with a wink. “We definitely will.”

Castle groans. “My credit card is cowering in fear.”

~*~*~*~*~

The restaurant that Castle pulls into is as ‘off the beaten path’ as his house, tucked away on a quiet side street. In spite of that, the parking lot is packed and when they go inside almost every table is full.

“Richard!” A short, plump, balding man comes toward them with the friendliest expression Kate has seen in a long time. “It’s about time you stopped by to see us. And what a lovely young lady you have with you.”

“Lucio, this is Kate Beckett. Kate, this is Lucio. He and his wife, Mirabella, own this restaurant.”

“Ah, the real life Nikki Heat.” Lucio takes her hand and kisses it gallantly. “I am so pleased to meet you.” He turns to Castle. “I don’t think that you do her justice in your books. She is exquisite.”

“Yes, yes she is.” Kate blushes as Castle grins at her.

“Alexis and Martha won’t be joining you this evening?”

Kate watches as a frown flickers over Castle’s face ever so briefly. “Not tonight, but I’ll bring them back soon. They look forward to seeing you.”

Lucio shows them to their table, telling them that he’ll send out Mirabella in a few minutes. Their waiter promptly brings them water and a bread basket while they look over the drink menu. “You have to try the cheese puffs,” Castle says, pointing into the basket, which contains at least six different varieties of bread. “They’re all good, but those are our favorite.” He picks one up and hands it to her and then goes on to point out his favorite drinks on the drink menu. Once they order those, he picks up the specials menu and scans it quickly. “I knew it was a good idea to call. They made my favorites!”

“Which are?”

“Bacon wrapped pork tenderloin. Always a winner. And, they also have the wild mushroom ravioli.” He goes on to tell her about the hand-picked mushrooms and the handmade pasta and she realizes that he hasn’t stopped talking since they arrived, which isn’t _entirely_ unusual for him, but it is a shift from the comfortable quiet of the last few days that they’ve essentially been living together.

She finally realizes that it’s technically their first date and he’s _nervous_. Once it hits her, she sits back for a moment and watches him, and it’s _adorable_. She’s got a teasing remark halfway out of her mouth when he looks up and asks, “What do you think?”

She swallows what she was about to say and reaches across the table to intertwine her fingers with his. “It looks incredible. Why don’t we get one of each and share.”

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say,” he admits.

She grins. “I had a feeling. Tell me how you found this place.”

He relaxes a little after that, and even more after Mirabella, a tiny woman with raven black hair, comes out to tease him mercilessly. It’s not exactly the way she’d pictured their first date (when she’d actually allowed herself to imagine it). She’d always assumed that he’d take her to an expensive and trendy restaurant and that they’d be dodging cameras and autograph requests. It is, she realizes, one more cliché she should have seen through earlier.

As comfortable as he can be when he’s out and about, she’s learning that he’s really a homebody at heart. That he would much rather be at home watching a movie with his family than out drinking, and carousing, though that’s sometimes the image that comes to mind. Because of this, when they offer dessert, she suggests they go back to his house and start up the little outdoor firepit and bring out the s’mores supplies that Alexis had insisted they pick up on their way to the Hamptons. 

He squeezes her hand warmly before asking the waiter for a dozen cheese puffs to take home, and Kate thinks maybe, little by little, she’s starting to figure out how she fits into this family.

 

_to be continued…_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Thank you to **callsign_buzz** for reading this and asking such great questions. I can't believe it took me so long to finally get this posted, but it's no reflection on your feedback.

~*~*~*~*~

A week ago Castle would not have believed this scene possible. Beckett is stretched out lazily on one of his beach chairs in a swimsuit. She and his mother are reading while Alexis swims laps in the pool, all waiting for his signal that it’s time for lunch. 

When he opens the door to the patio carrying a tray of sandwiches, Kate lifts those long, long legs up off the beach chair and stands (did he mention that she’s wearing a swimsuit?) while gracefully pulling on her beach cover-up. She takes the tray from him and begins setting the table while he goes back inside to get their drinks. And when he comes back she lets him pull her close and press a kiss to her temple in full view of his daughter and mother.

Essentially he is in heaven. Everyone he loves most in the world is in one of his favorite places in the world. He’d imagined plenty of things with regard to Kate Beckett: wild and uninhibited against a wall, proposal ideas that were both big and intimate, slowly and thoroughly investigating every inch of her body, steamy stake-out kisses, reading a bedtime story to their child, sex in the precinct (“never going to happen, Castle, no matter how much you beg”). It’s this part he’d never really pictured: Kate Beckett content just to be with him and his family. He wonders if it’s because he never truly believed it would happen, or if it’s just something that the Kate Beckett of a week ago wasn’t yet ready for.

Both of those possibilities make him a little sad. He’s always thought of himself as having enough faith in the two of them to weather any storm and doesn’t want to consider that maybe he’d never really believed they could be together. He also doesn’t want to believe that she’d needed to come within a hairsbreadth of dying (yet again) in order to take a chance on him.

For whatever reason, she’s here and his; it’s remarkable and terrifying if he lets himself think about it too hard, so mostly he hasn’t been. The real world will encroach upon their little paradise soon enough and there are plenty of questions he doesn’t yet have answers for. They’ve essentially been living together since the night she’d shown up at his door, and he’s gotten used to waking up to the scent of her on his sheets, but he knows that when they return to the city she won’t be ready to make that a permanent arrangement.

Bigger than that, even, is the question about her job. They’ve talked very little about it, but enough for him to know that she’s conflicted and scared that her loss of perspective on the last case put her in so much danger. But being a detective is so much a part of who she is that he thinks she’s having trouble seeing other options. He’s not even sure she recognizes the signals she’s sending that she misses her job. The way that she gravitates to the metro news part of the newspaper and any articles that involve crimes and investigations, the way that her brow furrows as if she’s trying to put the pieces together from the meager details reported in the paper. He just hopes that when she figures out what she needs she’ll let him help make it happen.

~*~*~*~*~

Kate lets Castle pull out her chair for her and gives his knee a quick squeeze when he sits down next to her. “Thanks for fixing lunch. This looks amazing.”

“Dad does love the panini maker,” Alexis teases.

“See,” he says to his daughter. “It was a good impulse buy.”

“So that might make about ten percent of them actually useful.”

“It’s got to be more than that.”

Alexis lifts her eyebrow skeptically. “You probably don’t want me to make a list in front of Kate.”

Castle flicks an eye toward Kate, who is giving him an amused grin. “You’re probably right. So…” He draws out the word, clearly trying to change the subject. “Alexis, you said you wanted to go shopping this afternoon.”

“There are some cute new shops I’d like to check out. Gram, do you want to come with me?”

“Oh kiddo, you know how much I’d love to, but your dad kept us up so late last night with the ghost stories. I’m exhausted. Sorry dear.”

Alexis’ smile wilts but she gives an understanding nod. “That’s okay, Gram. We can do it another time.”

It’s an opening, Kate thinks, and before she can talk herself out of it, she offers, “I’d love to go shopping with you, Alexis. I haven’t seen anything in town.” She pauses. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

The hesitation is barely perceptible and covered by an overly exuberant response. “Sure! That would be great. I can show you some of our favorites too.”

“I would really like that.”

~*~*~*~*~

Ever since her heart to heart with Martha, Kate has known she needed to talk to Alexis. She’s sure Castle hasn’t noticed his daughter’s moments of discomfort but they’re becoming harder for her to ignore, and the last thing she wants as Alexis prepares to leave for college is to be an obstacle in their relationship.

An hour into their outing, though, Kate is no longer sure this was a good idea. Alexis leads her through a variety of fun and quirky shops, but their conversation is brittle and polite. She’d had a sense that Alexis was ambivalent about her relationship with her dad and the awkward silences confirm it. There had been a time when Alexis would seek her out for counsel, but that dynamic has shifted precipitously. 

Finally, on exiting a little vintage store, Kate spots a cafe next door. “Would you like to stop for some coffee or tea?”

Alexis nods and they head inside, Kate heading to the counter to place their orders while Alexis claims a table. 

A few minutes later, Kate sits down across from Alexis. They each take a few sips in silence, Kate watching the swirls of steam rise off her coffee as she figures out what to say.

“Can I talk to you about something?”

Alexis nods. “Of course,” she says agreeably, even as tension stills her expression.

Kate breathes in resolve and starts before it melts away. “You don’t seem entirely comfortable with me. With me being with your dad,” she corrects quickly.

“No, that’s not-” Alexis’ response is immediate, then she takes a breath before continuing. “You make him really happy. I want him to be happy,” she insists, the concern in her voice not completely masking some internal conflict that plays out in the furrow of her brow and the steel of her gaze.

“Of course you do.” She glances at the younger woman. “And so do I. But you’re the most important person in his life.” She watches Alexis’ lip quiver ever so slightly and softens her voice. “So I want you to be okay with it too. If you have any concerns or if there’s anything you want to talk about…” Alexis is quiet so long that Kate is kicking herself, wishing she had given more thought to exactly what she wanted to say. 

Finally, Alexis responds. “I thought you two were fighting. Dad got quiet, like he does when you aren’t getting along.” It’s unnerving that his daughter knows this about him, about them. “The day of graduation it’s like the light went out of him. And the next thing I know…”

“You catch me kissing your dad.”

“Yeah,” she says softly. “You showed up at the door and somehow that resolved everything.” Alexis glances up to meet her eyes and Kate sees the moment truth wins out over politeness; suddenly her words have bite. “And, the thing is, that’s the way it always happens.”

“What do you mean?”

“Can I be blunt?”

“Of course.” Kate braces herself against the pent-up frustration Alexis is no longer trying to hide.

“My dad always follows your lead. He goes to the precinct when you call him, comes home when you’re done, or when you have a fight. You kicked him out after your shooting and then months later when you came looking for him he went right back to you.

“Alexis,” Kate starts, then pauses, because really it’s all true.

“He loves you _so much_.” Her voice breaks on the words and Kate can only whisper in response. 

“I know. I know he does.”

“And I just worry that he’s more invested in this relationship than you are. That’s he’s going to get hurt.” She sighs, twisting her fingers together on the tabletop. “And I won’t be around to pick up the pieces.”

Kate has to take in several long breaths to stave off the tears that threaten, because it’s so exactly what she’s been afraid of for so long and as committed as she is to making this work, she does worry that she’s not up to it, that she’ll still manage to screw it up.

“I’m afraid of that too.” Alexis just looks at her. Kate grabs her hand and squeezes. “Alexis, you’ve got to believe me. The last thing in the world I want is to hurt your dad.”

Alexis pulls her hands into her lap. “But you did.”

“I know.” Kate stares down into her coffee, gathering words into explanations that still seem inadequate. “I know I did. I’ve never been very good at relationships and after the shooting…” She gives a resigned shake of her head. “I’d like to say I’d have done things differently but I literally didn’t know how to handle everything all at once.” Lifting her head to meet the younger woman’s eyes, she sees the hard note of accusation that still sharpens Alexis’ expression and pushes her to further honesty. “But it made me realize that I wanted to be better at that, and,” she adds softly, “that if anything was ever going to happen with your dad I wanted to do it right. That was part of the reason I decided to go back to therapy.”

This surprises Alexis and her features soften a touch. “Does he know that?”

Kate nods. “We talked about it a few weeks ago.” She watches Alexis process this and adds quietly, “I didn’t want to be with him if I couldn’t make him happy.”

“He is,” Alexis says, and she sounds oddly sad about it. “He’s _so_ happy right now. I can’t remember ever seeing him quite like this. And maybe it’s just that it’s the kind of over the moon happy that happens right before the bubble bursts. Like a manic episode right before full-out depression. But it scares me. Because Dad and Gram are all I’ve got.”

“I know they are. Alexis…” Kate starts, struggling to find reassuring words. “I know that you know there aren’t any guarantees with relationships but I can promise you that I didn’t go into this lightly. I care about your dad, and you and Martha too, so much.”

~*~*~*~*~

When they return from their shopping trip, Alexis thanks Kate, giving her an impulsive hug before curling up on the sofa with a book. Kate takes her few small purchases up to the room she and Castle share then heads out the back door to watch the ocean. She leans on the rail overlooking the pool and watches the hypnotic motion of the waves slapping against the beach, the view soothing to her cluttered mind.

She’d expected tension as she found a place with Castle’s family and had felt it over the last few days. It should feel like a relief that it’s out there, but putting words to everything hurts more than she expected. She has to remind herself that Alexis’ perceptions aren’t necessarily what Castle is feeling, but the thought that he might feel like a junior partner in their relationship or think that she’s not as invested stings.

She hears the slide of the door and footsteps she can identify as Castle’s behind her. “There you are,” he says, sliding his arms around her waist and nuzzling his nose against her ear. “Been looking for you. How was the shopping trip?”

“Good. There are lots of fun shops. And…” She hesitates a moment. “Alexis and I had a chance to talk.”

“About?”

“This, us. It’s a lot for her to adjust to.”

“Did she say anything to you about that?”

“No, I brought it up. I just wanted to…” She pauses and in that moment realizes that she can’t let Castle put himself in the middle of this. If he tries to negotiate between her and Alexis it will only create more conflict. “Check in with her about it.”

“And…?” he asks anxiously.

“We had a good talk.” She glances over her shoulder at him and smiles. “She’s such a great kid, Castle.” It’s an effective deflection and she’d feel a little guilty about that if she didn’t truly believe it. Not all of what Alexis had told her was easy to hear, but she was honest and well-spoken, and everything she said had been grounded in her love for her dad.

“I know,” he says in awe. “It’s so unbelievable how that happened.”

“It’s not that unbelievable. She has you.”

He sighs, his arms tightening around her as he rests his chin on her shoulder. “I’m going to miss her so much, Kate.”

“I know. She’s going to miss you too.” She laces one of her hands with his and squeezes gently. “You should do something just the two of you before she goes to college, take her on a trip, or–”

“Oh, we could have a weeklong slumber party at the loft: movies, all of our old board games, ice cream for breakfast…”

She chuckles. “Or that.”

He gives her a squeeze. “You are brilliant,” he whispers. “Thank you,” 

“For what?”

“It means a lot to me that you’ve given so much thought to her.”

“You don’t have to thank me for that. She’s your kid, Castle. It matters to me that she’s happy, that she’s okay with this.”

“God, Kate, I love you...” He says it as if the words have escaped of their own volition, the “you” trailing off as if only afterwards he realizes what he’s said.

She hasn’t heard those particular words since they fought in her apartment and he walked away from her, though it feels like they’ve been showing them in large and small ways every day since she appeared at his door. It doesn’t feel like the words should matter so much but since he’s the only one who has said them maybe it matters more than she knows.

Before he has a chance to regret putting them on the table again, she whispers, “Right back at you.” And then, because that feels a little like cheating, she turns around in his arms, loops her arms around his neck and whispers, “I love you too, Rick.”

He hugs her so hard she has to pull away to catch her breath.

*~*~*~*

The first text Javier sends beeps just after Lanie arrives at the morgue.

Esposito: _Let me take you out to dinner._

Parish: _So we’re dating now?_

Esposito: _I’ve stayed at your place the last five nights. I can’t take you to dinner?_

Parish: _I just wondered what it meant._

Esposito: _Why do we have to figure out what it means? Why can’t I just take you to dinner?_

Parish: _You were the one unhappy with the status of this relationship. Not me. *Now* you’re okay with casual sex?_

Esposito: _I’m not going to rehash this over text. Just have dinner with me? Please? That tapas place you like._

She tells herself that it’s just about the tapas. She is _not_ getting sucked back into the same old dysfunction again. And that she’s going to pin down what this is and what it isn’t.

Parish: _Okay. I’ll see you there, but this conversation isn’t over._

Esposito: _Whatever you want._

All good plans…

They’d agreed to meet at the restaurant and he’s waiting for her when her cab pulls up. He helps her out and escorts her into the restaurant with a hand low on her back. He can be the perfect gentleman when he turns it on and he’s kicked it into high gear tonight. She has to admit she’s missed that.

They’re halfway through dinner when she realizes she hasn’t done what she came here to do. She interrupts Javier with a hand on his arm, “Javi…”

There’s something in her tone that alerts him, because he stops talking about baseball and reaches out to squeeze her hand. “I know. We need to talk.” He looks around the restaurant, then says to her quietly. “How about we go to my place when we’re done with dinner?”

She pins him with her gaze, one eyebrow rising in challenge. “Why, Javi, you expecting to give me a reason to yell?”

He grins that irresistible smart-ass grin. “Doesn’t take much to get you yelling.”

“Shut up.”

It’s about an hour before Javier is letting them into his apartment, picking up a few scattered pieces of clutter as they walk into the living room.

“So this wasn’t a premeditated visit?” she asks, pointing at the random clothes and beer bottles in his hands. 

He gives her a cocky smirk. “Just got lucky, I guess.”

She can’t tell if he’s trying to deflect her from their earlier conversation, but where she would normally flirt right back at him, she eyes him sternly, “There is no _lucky_ until we do what we came here to do.”

He sighs, mumbling, “I’m going to grab some beers.”

While he fetches them drinks from his fridge, Lanie glances around the apartment. She hasn’t been here in a while; their occasional hook-ups usually happen at her place. It looks the same though: generally clean, if a little cluttered. She walks over to set her purse on the dining table and next to the typical piles he sorts his mail into is a letter on NYPD stationary. The letter itself is short but she can see a date and location and realizes this must be the information about his disciplinary hearing. She picks it up to check the date as Javier returns carrying two beers. He frowns. “You reading my mail?”

“Yeah,” she says. “This is about your hearing. When did you get this?”

He shrugs. “A few days ago.”

“You told me you didn’t know anything.”

“I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“You lied to me,” she says, the words clipped and even. It’s hard to explain after all the days of silence why this oversight hits her so hard, but she’s suddenly so angry at herself for thinking something was different this time. 

“Why does it matter so much?”

“You came to me, Javi. You got suspended and you came to me. You told me you _needed_ me.” She hates that her voice sounds like she’s pleading. 

“Lanie.” He reaches for her and she swings out of his way. “I do need you.”

“For what? Sex?”

“You know this isn’t just about that.”

“Do I? I’m not sure what this is about. I have no problem with getting together to scratch the occasional itch, but I’m not going to let you pretend it’s more than that if you can’t man up enough to be honest with me.” She waves the letter at him. “If you want me in your life, then you’re going to have to let me in, but otherwise…” She breathes out angrily, glaring at him. “So no Javi, I don’t know what this is about at all.”

“Fine,” he sighs, and she can see frustration simmering under the surface of his impassive expression. “I guess we’re talking about his now.”

“No, you know what?” She picks up her purse. “I’m going to spare you and me both that chore.” She emphasizes the last word to make her point and ignores him calling her name as she shuts his door soundly and walks down the hall.

*~*~*~*

Castle pads into the kitchen in his pajamas, coming up behind Kate and kissing the top of her head. “Crime section again, huh?”

“What?” She looks down. “Oh, yeah, I guess so.”

“Do you miss it?”

The lines in her forehead deepen as she looks at his curiously. “The crime?”

“Your job.”

She frowns. “It’s only been a week. Do you think this is all I live for?”

He comes around to sit on the stool next to her. “Beckett, I’ve worked with you for four years. Of course I know you live and breathe your job.” He interlaces his fingers with her free hand. “But that’s not what I meant. There’s a difference between letting go of it for a week of vacation and trying to imagine what you’re going to do for the rest of your life.”

“Is that what you think I’m doing?”

He shrugs. “I think you’d have to be.”

He watches her weigh that for a moment and when she speaks, her voice is almost a whisper. “I can’t imagine doing anything else, but I don’t know if I can stay objective. I don’t know how to stop myself if I get going…” She lets her words trail off, but they both know what she means. It’s a huge admission and as much as Castle loves her for her strength, he loves her even more in this moment for being willing to share her deepest fears with him. She lifts one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “And I don’t even know if it will be my choice.”

“Just know that _whatever_ happens, whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”

“I know.” She smiles softly, squeezing his fingers, and he smiles in return.

“So,” he says, gesturing to the paper. “Anything good? Death by mysterious sea creature? A grisly murder on the _Spiderman_ stage made to look like an accident? Ooh, I know! A coven of wiccans out for blood?”

She rolls her eyes, but then taps her finger on a photo. “He looks familiar.”

Castle leans over the picture, squinting. “He does. Someone from a previous case?”

She shakes her head. “I think he’s a friend of Montgomery’s. He and Evelyn used to have these barbeques…” She trails off, thinking. “I want to say godparent, maybe, one of the girls.”

He reads through the article quickly. “This happened in DC?”

“Yeah, but he’s from New York. There’s something in here about being a witness in a mob trial. There was an attempt on his life and after the trial he moved to DC.”

Castle finishes skimming the article and goes back to the picture, studying it. “I think this is him.”

“Who?”

“The man on the phone.”

“Phone? What phone?” She stares at him, baffled.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and whispers, “The man who wanted you to back off your mom’s case. I never got a good look at him, but he’s familiar, and the other details fit.”

“What details?”

“He said Montgomery saved his life. I’ll bet you anything Montgomery was involved in that mob trial.” He picks up the paper and stares at it again. “We’ve got to find out more about this. If he’s dead…” His stomach lurches and he feels like he’s going to be sick. “I’m going to call Ryan. And I think we need to go back to the city.”

*~*~*~*

Ryan glances quickly at his screen before thumbing it on to answer the call, “Hey, Castle. What’s up? You and Beckett ready to dare a double date with Jenny and I?”

He hears Castle take in a long breath and when he speaks his voice is friendly but grave. “Ryan, that would be good and we should definitely do that. It’s ‘Jenny and me’ though…”

Ryan rolls his eyes.

“But that’s not why I’m calling,” Castle finishes, and his serious tone sets off warning bells.

“What happened? Is Beckett okay? Your family?”

“They’re fine. We’re all fine, but Beckett saw something in the paper. There was a murder and it might be connected to her shooter. Is there any way you can find out more about it?”

“Here? We don’t have any cases right now. I can check with the other precincts.”

“It wasn’t in New York. It happened in DC.”

“How do you know it’s connected?”

“We think he knew Montgomery. Beckett said there was a photo missing from the albums they found in Maddox’s room. If I send you the link to the article and the picture, can you check with Evelyn to see if he might be the one in the missing picture?”

“Of course,” he responds automatically, even as he tries to put the puzzle together in a way that makes this new piece fit. “But, Castle, how does-”

“And another thing,” Castle goes on, seemingly unaware Ryan had spoken. “There’s a mob case mentioned in the article. We think Montgomery may have been involved in that case too. Can you find out?”

Ryan waits a moment to make sure Castle is done before speaking himself. “I can try to track that down.”

“Great. Thanks, Ryan. We’ll get a hold of you when we’re back in the city.”

“Castle, wait-”

“Yeah?” He sounds impatient, but there’s an anxiety in his voice that he’s rarely heard.

“What’s this guy’s connection to Beckett’s case? Who is he? There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Not over the phone. I’ll get a hold of you in a few hours when we’re back home.”

Ryan stands stock still for a moment watching his phone screen go blank. He has a terrible, sick feeling that everything they know about Montgomery is about to blow up in their faces and he is the only one here who can do anything about it. After another deep breath, he gives a nod of conviction and starts in on the search. 

*~*~*~*

Castle leans back against the elevator wall as Kate presses the button for her floor. “I’m getting the sense that you’re ignoring my suggestion.”

“What suggestion?”

“Every time I mention packing up a bag to bring to the loft, you change the subject.” He ducks his head, forcing her to meet his eyes. 

“I just think…” She sighs. “Castle, we’ve been practically living together for the last week.”

“I don’t have a problem with that.”

“Don’t you think we need some space to, I don’t know, get used to this relationship?” she asks as the elevator doors open and they step into her hallway.

His response is immediate. “I don’t.” His voice softens and he tilts his head sideways to meet her gaze. “Do you?”

“It seems like I should.”

“There is the small matter of an assassin that no longer has any reason not to kill you.”

“We don’t know that.” She pulls her keys from her bag and fumbles with the lock on her door.

His breath hitches and he leans into her, his lips grazing the shell of her ear. “I don’t want to take any chances.”

“I know Castle, but we can’t-”

She stops abruptly as she registers scattered papers, doors and drawers askew, and books pushed hastily back onto shelves. She gasps and goes straight for her mother’s murder board, the shutters of which are hanging open. All that’s left of the information she had gathered are a few corners of paper held by the remaining strips of tape. She turns to Castle to see him pale and frightened.

“Well, that settles it,” he says weakly. “You’re not staying here tonight.”

She can only nod in agreement.

_to be continued_


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to **zandra_court** and **callsign_buzz** for giving this a read and giving me helpful feedback. I really appreciate it.

~*~*~*~*~

The door to Beckett’s apartment is open, but Ryan taps on it to get her attention before stepping inside. Her eyebrows come together in confusion. “Ryan? What are you doing here/”

Behind her, Castle gives him a nod, then answers her sheepishly, “I called him after the Robbery guys got here. Just thought he should know, given what we saw in the paper.”

Beckett narrows her eyes at Castle. “You didn’t tell me.”

“You were busy with the detectives.”

“So, uh,” Ryan prompts. “Anything that ties this to your case?”

She gestures toward the other side of the room and he follows. Pointing to some remnants of paper and tape on the window, she says softly, “This was a murder board – my mom’s case.”

“Ah.” It makes him want to ask questions, about what other files she may have in her apartment, but he realizes even this is something personal she’s revealing, so instead he looks over the rest of the room. “Anything else taken?”

“That’s what we’re trying to find out.” She points a thumb back over her shoulder, toward the Robbery detail combing her apartment, and grimaces. “They’re being very tedious about it.”

“Hey!” comes a protest from one of the two detectives crouched next to her bookshelves. “Just doing our job.” When they look up, Ryan recognizes Tom Demming. 

“Demming?” he asks, surprised. “You drew this case?”

“I was in the precinct when it was called in.” His expression sobers. “I heard Beckett’s name and I, uh, just wanted to help find the bastard who would mess with one of NYPD’s finest.” Castle’s head pops up at the comment and his gaze bounces to Demming and back to Beckett, who seems to be doing her best to ignore the dynamic. “Why are you here?” Demming asks Ryan.

“We think there’s a connection to a recent homicide.”

“Well, it’s definitely not your typical break-in.”

“No, it doesn’t look like it,” Ryan says, surveying the room again.

Castle walks over to Beckett from where he’d been texting in the corner of the room. “You’re going to be here a while. I thought I’d go over and just check on my loft, but I’ll be back soon. Let me know if you go anywhere, okay?”

“We’ll probably want to take her to the station, especially if there’s a connection to another case,” Demming says.

Kate radiates tension at the suggestion. “Can we do that here? Ryan knows the details and can follow up with you at the precinct.” She glances at him to confirm and he nods.

“Okay, then I’ll plan to meet up with you here,” Castle says, reaching for her as he steps close. 

“Castle!” Beckett hisses.

“What?” he whispers back, glancing pointedly at Demming, then turning accusing eyes on Beckett. 

She gives an exasperated shake of her head. “That’s not-”

Ryan is the only one close enough to hear them exchanging heated whispers and even he only catches snatches while averting his eyes from their argument. “Gossip…precinct…Gates.”

Castle lets out a resigned huff and jams tight fists into his pockets. “Fine,” he says softly. “I’ll catch up with you later.” She just nods. On his way out of the apartment Castle looks back. “Thanks for coming over, Ryan.”

“Of course, bro. Anytime.” As he stares after Castle he can’t help but wonder why she’s worried about the precinct and Gates if she’s really resigned from the force.

~*~*~*~*~

Esposito slides into a booth at the diner he had agreed upon with Castle. He’s angry at himself for being here, for letting curiosity win out over his resentment of the writer’s omnipresence. He hates the way that Castle keeps charming his way into their lives. That he can parade a trampy stewardess in front of the woman he’s supposed to love. That she would want him back in the wake of it. That he intoxicates his own partner with stories and fantasy enough to shift Ryan’s loyalties. That he could abandon them in the middle of one of their most difficult cases. And still, after all of that, Esposito is here, waiting for him. It pisses him off, so much so that when the waitress takes his order she jumps at the sharp bite of his words.

He apologizes and repeats, “Just coffee, please.” When she returns he makes the effort to smile and thank her.

Castle enters the diner and Esposito scowls as he slides into the booth across from him.

“Esposito.”

“What do you want, Castle?” he growls.

“I need your help.”

“What makes you think I want to help you?” In his more objective moments, Esposito knows his anger is not entirely fair, but as an outsider Castle is an easy scapegoat. 

Castle starts at the hostility, but recovers and responds, face impassive. “It’s not for me. It’s for Kate, for Beckett.”

Esposito’s still glowers but he gives a slight nod. “What is it?”

“Someone broke into her place. Took all her files about her mom.”

“When?”

“Sometime in the last few days. I don’t know exactly because we were, uh, in the Hamptons.” Castle stumbles on the words, edgy, and Esposito realizes that whatever else has happened, he still has the protective little brother card to play. Good to know.

Just to mess with him, he gives as menacing a look as possible as he asks, “You got back today?”

Castle nods. “We came back because of a murder. A friend of Montgomery’s. We think it’s whoever was in that picture that Maddox took.”

Esposito sucks in a sharp breath. “So, they’re finding whatever it was they’re looking for.”

“And Beckett’s in danger.”

Esposito nods grimly. “So what do you need me for?”

Castle meets his eyes, letting the silence fall thick between them before answering. “I thought you might, you know…could put together a small team…” He pauses, as if weighing his words, then finally admits, “I want some protection for her. To watch her, watch her place. I thought you might know guys who could be trusted.”

Esposito eyes him evenly without responding and hopes that Castle is squirming a bit. “She doesn’t know you’re here.” It’s not a question.

Castle sighs, shoulders falling in defeat. “No. She’d kill me.”

“She will one of these days, you keep doing stupid stuff like this.”

“I’ll tell her,” Castle promises earnestly. “But she’s tied up at her apartment right now and I didn’t want to wait too long. I knew it would take some time to pull something together.” Esposito keeps his expression hard and when Castle meets his eyes again his words are almost pleading. “I just want her to be safe. Can you help?”

Esposito gives one slow nod. “I’ll have to see who’s around, who can spare some time.”

“Guys you trust.”

Esposito’s narrow his eyes. “Did you expect otherwise?”

Castle coughs, embarrassed. “No.”

“Is that all you wanted?” Even to his own ears, it sounds abrupt, a dismissal.

“Esposito,” Castle asks softly. “Have you talked to Ryan?”

Anger flashes through him again at the intrusion. “That is none of your business.”

“Beckett thinks it’s her fault.”

That gives him pause, but he just throws out a terse, “Well, it’s not,” before standing. “I’ll let you know when the team is ready.” He walks out, leaving Castle to settle the bill. It’s the least of his concerns.

~*~*~*~*~

“Detective Ryan?” The captain’s voice rings out sharply across the bullpen.

“Yes, Captain?” No, his voice _did not_ quaver.

“I need to talk to you in my office.”

“Yes, sir,” he says, avoiding meeting the gazes of his fellow cops. She’s standing behind her desk by the time he enters her office. When she doesn’t immediately speak, he asks, “Sir?”

“You made a request to the DC police about a murder case.” 

It’s not a question, but he responds, “Yes, uh, sir. There might be a connection to the Orlando Costas case.”

“Might be? Shouldn’t you confirm that before asking another department to chase down information for you?”

“I’m checking with Evelyn Montgomery to see if she recognizes him as the person in the missing photo.”

“Just what is this connection? What does it have to do with Captain Montgomery?”

“This man, Mr. Smith, knew him.” Ryan gulps as he realizes he should have thought ahead about how to explain this. “We think Beckett’s shooter was trying to eliminate all connections to her mother’s murder. “

“ _We_ , Detective Ryan?” she says pointedly.

“Detective, er, Beckett and-” he stops himself before he mentions Beckett and Castle in the same breath, “uh, she was the one who saw the photo in the paper.”

“How exactly does she know him?”

“Beckett remembers meeting him at Montgomery’s house.”

“And just what is her role in this investigation? Remember, Detective Ryan, Kate Beckett is no longer an NYPD detective.”

“None, sir. She just let me know about the article.”

“Let’s keep it that way.”

“Yes, sir. Of course, sir.”

“And Detective Ryan?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Where exactly have you been for the last few hours? I wasn’t aware that you were assigned to an open case.”

Crap. If Esposito were around and talking to him, they’d cover for each other, but right now he has no one. He can’t do anything but tell the truth. “There was a break-in at Beckett’s apartment.”

She raises a skeptical eyebrow. “And you’ve decided that you’d like to transfer down to Robbery?”

“No, sir, but it might be connected as well.” She doesn’t look convinced, so he adds, “Nothing was taken except information about her mother’s case.”

“She had police files in her home?”

“No, sir. It was her own research.” 

He prepares himself for more interrogation, but the Captain just pins him with her gaze. “Might. Maybe. It sounds like a lot of conjecture. You follow up on this link to the DC murder, but I need to know more about the connections to Beckett’s mother’s case and Beckett’s shooting. Bring me what you have.”

“Yes, sir.” _Shit_. He’s in trouble. The last thing they need is Gates digging around in this case.

“Oh, and Detective?”

“Yes?”

“Is Beckett okay?”

“Yes, sir. She wasn’t home during the break-in.”

“Good. Thank you. You’re dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.”

~*~*~*~*~

The knock on the door is unexpected, so Kate grabs her spare gun, asking who it is as she loads it.

“It’s Lanie.”

She surreptitiously slides the gun onto the end table as she opens the door, but Lanie catches her. “A little edgy?”

Kate shrugs sheepishly as Lanie walks in and shuts the door. “Castle made me promise not to open the door without it.”

“Makes sense I guess, given what happened.” She glares at Kate fiercely. “You are going to be the death of me, girl.”

“I’m fine, Lanie. I wasn’t even here.”

“And what if you had been?” All playfulness drops and Kate sees real fear and concern in her friend’s eyes. 

All she can say is, “I wasn’t.”

Lanie just crosses her arms across her chest and glares. “Not good enough.” 

“Great. You can join the rest of them in the overprotective squad.”

“Sounds good to me. I’m happy to hit you over the head when you need it.” She looks around the room. “Wow, they really tore it apart.”

“Actually most of this was the detectives. Ryan called in a favor with the K-9 unit to bring in a dog to sniff for a bomb and Castle got them to check for bugs.”

“Awww, well that’s sweet.”

“Yeah, nothing says I care about you like bug detectors and bomb-sniffing dogs.”

“Everything clear?”

“So far. They didn’t find anything. Castle was hunting down someone who can change the locks in a hurry.” She looks at her watch. “They should be here soon. He was going to call me from the lobby.” She tilts her head and looks at her friend through narrowed eyes. “How did you even know to come here?”

“Javier texted me.” 

“How did he know?”

“You didn’t tell him?”

“You were there the last time I talked to him. I wasn’t under the impression he wanted to have anything to do with me.”

Lanie scoffs. “I’m not sure if he even knows what he wants.”

“Are things still up in the air with you two?”

“That’s one way to put it.” She sighs, shaking her head. “Honestly, I was surprised to hear from him.”

“That bad?”

“We’ll see,” Lanie answers deflecting. “So if it wasn’t you, and I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t Ryan, must have been Castle that told him.”

“He’s been on his phone or texting most of the day.” Kate rolls her eyes. “Who knows what he’s done?”

“As long as he’s taking care of you, I approve. And now, since we’re on the subject, how was it all shacked up with Castle at his beach house?” She winks. “I want details.”

“You do realize that his mother and daughter were there too, right?”

“I hope that didn’t cramp your style.”

Kate grins. “They weren’t there _all_ the time. Castle and I were able to find plenty of ways to amuse ourselves.” Her smile softens and she gives a small shrug. “Actually, though, it was fun hanging out with all of them.”

“They’re okay with it?”

“Mostly. Martha pretty much gave her blessing and told me she’s going to stay out of it. Alexis is…” She pauses, wrinkling her nose. “Concerned I’m going to hurt him.” Before Lanie can say anything, she adds, “But glad we’re happy.”

Lanie nods. “Makes sense. You are stepping in right as she’s about to leave.”

“At least she’s not going far. She and I did talk and it was good. I think it will get better.”

“As long as the two of you don’t get yourselves killed.” She takes a deep breath. “This is the same guy, right?”

Kate hesitates before answering, but admits, “Yeah, we’re pretty sure.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t be better off going back to the Hamptons?”

“I don’t want to put Martha and Alexis at risk. We came back to see if we could track down what’s going on. We can do that more easily here. Castle said something about trying to get Esposito and Ryan over to his place tonight to see if we can figure anything out.”

“Are you sure you’ll get them in the same room?”

“If this won’t, I’m not sure what will.”

_to be continued_


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to **callsign_buzz** for poking and prodding in all the right places to help me make this as clear as possible.

~*~*~*~*~

Esposito is the last to arrive to the loft and from the moment the doorbell rings to signal his presence a rubber band of tension stretches around the group, threatening to snap at the slightest disturbance. He is wary as he enters, giving only brief greetings to Beckett and Castle and a muffled grunt toward Ryan. Since Alexis and Martha are still in the Hamptons the group settles in the living room, Beckett and Castle on the couch and Esposito in the armchair opposite Ryan. 

So much has happened during this endless day that the phone call that interrupted his morning coffee break is already a dim memory. Castle and Beckett had called them from her apartment after the locksmith had finished and though it’s absurdly late to begin something new, everyone agreed that they needed to compare notes, whether they could stand to be in the same room together or not.

“So, who is this guy and why does he matter?” Ryan asks once they’re all seated, tapping the photo from the paper that lies open on the coffee table.

He watches Castle glance at Beckett and wait for her nod. Castle presses his fingertips together and looks briefly at Ryan and Esposito in turn before speaking. “Before he died last year, Montgomery mailed some files to a friend. They were supposed to be the leverage that would keep Beckett safe, but he didn’t receive them until after she was shot. A few days after that, I got a phone call from a man who identified himself as Montgomery’s friend. He said that Beckett would be safe as long as she didn’t pursue her mother’s case.”

Castle’s watching the fury that explodes over Esposito’s face and in his tightly clenched fingers, but the rage building in Ryan overflows first and he grinds out, “And you didn’t tell us? You didn’t trust us?”

“It’s not about trust,” Castle responds evenly. “It’s a burden only one of us needed to have.”

Ryan is still glaring at Castle when Esposito looks up and meets Beckett’s eyes. “He kept this from you?” When she nods, he asks, “How are you okay with that?”

She answers sharply, “Because we already had that fight and I understand why he thought he needed to do it.”

“He sat on a lead for a year and you’re just okay with that? What happened to you? What happened to _Beckett_?” He spits out, outraged.

She pins him with a glare and snaps, “She almost plummeted ten stories to her death. Now shut up and let him finish.”

Esposito looks chastened for a moment and Castle continues, “It looks like Maddox was trying to find this guy, who we now know is James Smith, and that’s why they had Orlando Costas steal the files from Montgomery’s house.” He lets out a resigned breath. “Since Smith is dead, we can only assume that whatever files he had are in the hands of our enemy.”

Ryan adds quietly, “And they don’t have a reason anymore not to kill Beckett.”

“Exactly.” 

They sit in silence with that for a moment, until Esposito breaks it. “So, what do we know?” he asks, his face a stoic mask covering everything but his eyes that still glitter with anger.

Ryan welcomes the shift in focus and pulls out his small notebook. “I got some information today,” he says. “I asked Evelyn about the missing photo. She can’t be sure, but she thinks it was Smith. I also tried to track down the mob case he was a witness for. The only thing I could find involving the mob was a few years after Bob Armen’s murder. There was a secret witness in protective custody and Montgomery was his main contact on the force.”

“What kind of mob case?” Beckett asks, forehead wrinkled in concentration.

“Well, this is where it gets weird. At first, it was your standard extortion and laundering case, but the defendant kept talking about some ‘other’ player, pulling strings, making threats, kidnapping. That was part of what the secret witness was supposed to testify about, but the notes with the specifics of his statement are missing from the file. 

“Supposed to?” Castle asks. “He didn’t?”

“Right before the trial the defendant died.”

“Murdered?”

“Heart attack, which was suspicious because he was only thirty-two. It reeked of murder, but no one could prove anything and with the defendant dead the case was closed and Smith never testified. Soon after that, he moved to DC.”

“So, the ‘other player’ might have been the guy at the head of all of this, the one who had Beckett’s mom shot,” Castle throws in.

“And the case would have revealed details about the kidnapping and ransom plot so they had the defendant killed to protect their identities,” Beckett finishes.

“But they never did know who the secret witness was…”

“And since he moved, Roy was the only one who stayed in contact with him…”

“So he was a natural person to send the files that would protect you…” Despite the grim topic, the back-and-forth feels like old times and Ryan smiles and even thinks he sees a tiny smirk from Esposito, though it vanishes before he can be sure.

“And why they were so desperate to find him…”

“He was the last loose end…”

“Besides me…” Beckett’s quiet words trail off into strained silence as the gravity of what is upon them weighs heavily on their plans.

Castle finally breaks the stillness. “Anything else, Ryan?”

“I sent Maddox’s picture to D.C. and they’ve been canvassing. They’ve got at least one person who identified him.”

“For now we’ve got to assume he’s back here.” Castle rests his hand on Beckett’s knee. “That he’s the one who broke into Beckett’s apartment.”

“Yeah,” Ryan adds. “We never tied anyone to Maddox so we don’t know if he’s working with anyone else.”

Beckett nods. “The guy heading this up only seems to rely on one guy at a time: Coonan, Lockwood, Maddox.”

“Well, if we know he’s back and gunning for Beckett, we just need to find him before he finds her.” Ryan looks at the pair of them. “You two thought about taking off somewhere until we can track him down?” 

Castle looks like he doesn’t think it’s the worst idea in the world, but Beckett shakes her head. “This doesn’t end until he finds me and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life hiding, wondering. Let’s just make sure we’re ready when he does come.”

Ryan breaks the silence. “Then we’ll need all the information we can get.”

“And a way to communicate.” Castle turns around and picks up a pile from the end table. “As a start, I got us burner phones.” 

“Are you sure that’s necessary?” Ryan asks.

“Maybe not, but better safe than sorry.” Castle checks the names as he passes them out. “All of our numbers are already programmed.”

Beckett looks over and gives him a small smile. “Thanks, Castle. That was a good idea.”

“I’ve got my guys on the lookout for him, too,” Esposito says, his words quiet but gruff, and Ryan realizes it’s the first time he’s spoken up since his angry outburst earlier.

“My guys?” Beckett asks, turning to him.

Behind her, Castle shakes his head at Esposito, but Esposito just glares at him, throwing him under the bus as he answers, “Castle asked me if I knew some guys who could watch you, watch your place. They’re not all in place yet, but by tomorrow...” The younger man’s voice trails off as Becket rounds on Castle, sliding away on the sofa as if she’s been bitten. 

“ _You_ did this? Without even asking me? You went behind my back?” 

He’d expect Beckett to be pissed about this, so the bite of anger in her voice isn’t surprising, but the deep betrayal in her eyes speaks to something else between Beckett and Castle. He suddenly feels like an intruder when Castle lowers his voice and says, “I was going to tell you, but I haven’t had a chance.”

“How did you even…?” Her voice trails off as she remembers. “When you left. To go ‘check on your loft.’ You _lied_ to me.” She stands, backing away from the group of them. “I can’t even sit here.”

She heads across the room to gather her keys and bag. Castle springs to his feet. “Beckett, wait…Kate, don’t go. I will sleep on the couch, on the floor. Just don’t go out there by yourself.”

She turns venomous eyes on him. “Well, apparently, thanks to you, I won’t be all alone. And I am certainly not staying here with you.” 

Spinning away from him, she heads for the door, only to be blocked by Esposito. “Esposito.” When he doesn’t move she crosses her arms and growls, “Javi.”

His voice is low, but it carries across the loft. “Be mad at him. Be mad at me. That’s fine, but you are not going to go out there to be a sitting duck. If you leave, I’m coming with you.”

Beckett lifts her head, meeting Esposito’s eyes, and Ryan feels that same pang he did when the two of them went off after Maddox. No words are exchanged but when she ducks her head and walks through the door, Esposito lets her, tipping his head to Castle before following Beckett to the elevator.

~*~*~*~*~

They don’t speak on the way to her apartment. At all. Esposito climbs into the passenger seat of her car but she barely acknowledges his presence, pulling away from the curb while he’s still closing his door. She expects him to follow her to the door but stops in the doorway to prevent him coming inside.

“There’s not a chance in hell I’m leaving you here alone, Beckett.” 

She throws the door open in response and walks inside, leaving him to step inside and carefully close it. Stalking into the kitchen, she grabs a glass and fills it with water, trying as best she can to ignore his presence.

“You know, he’s just scared shitless something is going to happen to you.”

She rounds on him, furious. “Is this part of the deal you made with him too? That you’d take me home and talk me down? Since when are you in league with him? Was that righteous indignation about Smith all a part of the act too?”

“Look, it was his idea. He came to me. I’ve got no special love for Castle right now, but I don’t want you dead either. If that pisses you off, then you can beat the crap out of me after we catch this guy.”

She turns around on the pretense of picking up her glass of water and just stares into it. She can feel some of the tension of the fight draining out of her muscles and leaving only stiffness behind.

“And if you’d stuck around long enough to hear him out, I’m sure he would have said the same thing.”

Everything clenches up again. “Oh, really?” Something inside her snaps and she whirls around again. “I just need to sit down and talk it out with him. Is that it? How’s that working for you and Lanie?”

She watches as he literally deflates, rock hard stubbornness dissolving into a dejected frown. He walks over and slumps into the nearest chair, forehead resting on his steepled fists.

The drastic shift drains all of the anger from her body. When it becomes clear that he’s not going to say anything, she fills a glass of water for him and rests it on the table next to him.

“Javi?”

She’s almost ready to give up and leave him to puzzle out his dilemma on his own when he mumbles, “I don’t know how to be what she wants. I thought we were doing okay, but then I tried to take her out and it just…we just fought…again.”

He still hasn’t looked up and his body is rigid with barely controlled frustration. She sits in the chair next to him and says gently, “She just wants you to talk to her.”

“We do talk,” he protests, finally glancing sideways to meet her eye.

Beckett lifts her eyebrow skeptically. “She wants you to let her in.”

“I’m not good at that.”

She shrugs. “Neither am I, but when you’re with the right person, they don’t care what you say as long as you’re trying to say something.”

His tension explodes into one long huff of breath. “She’s got to know how I feel.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but even if they do they like to hear it.”

Something in this prompts him to sit up, look her in the eye. “You speaking from experience? When did you become an expert?”

She gives him a rueful smile. “Almost falling off a building makes you put things in perspective.”

He nods, then says slowly, “Things like understanding why people would want to take steps to protect your safety?” There’s the tiniest hint of amusement in his smile and the cockiness refuels her anger. 

Glowering at him, she spits out, “Oh, God no. I’m still pissed as hell. At both of you.”

~*~*~*~*~

Esposito has only just left when Beckett’s phone buzzes with a text message.

Castle: _I’m coming up. Don’t shoot me._

Reading it, she realizes that Esposito only agreed to leave because he’d known Castle was on his way up.

Beckett: _Why not?_

Castle: _Because you love me._

Beckett: _Don’t use that against me. I’m not in the mood for cute right now._

Castle: _I’m not trying to be cute. I’m trying to talk to you._

Beckett: _Fine. I won’t shoot. At least at first._

Castle: _Good to know._

When she opens the door to him, she watches his eyes flash to her hands and he lets out a noticeable breath when he sees her gun resting on the end table.

She lifts her brow at his expression. “Don’t tempt me. Remember that I’m pissed at you.”

“I am well aware of that. I got the death glares.” His lips turn up in a glimmer of smirk and it only makes her angrier.

“How could you do that? How could you go behind my back? Again? I _trusted_ you.”

“They want to _kill_ you, Kate.” His voice is so earnest she’s having flashbacks to another fight right here. She thought they’d come so far since then.

“I _know_ that. I am very well aware of that.”

“So were you the last time and you still ran right at it.” He gestures angrily and continues. “Kate, I tried to protect you and you didn’t choose me and you ended up hanging by your _fingers_ off a _building_. How did I know-”

She moves right up into his face, glaring. “Because I told you I chose you, that I just wanted you.” She stops, stepping back and staring at him. “You still think I’m not in this, that I’m going to leave.”

“No, not like that. It’s just that when you have everything you’ve ever wanted there’s a part of you that’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. And Kate,” he pauses and she knows the next thing that comes is going to hurt. “You’ve never been able to walk away from your mother’s case. Not really.”

It’s a vicious punch in the gut and she falls into the chair behind her. “You don’t think I can,” she says, her voice dull and lifeless. “And if you think that…”

She can feel him drop into the chair next to her. “I’m just not sure you really want to.” 

“You think I want this?” She stands, swinging her arms wildly around her cluttered apartment, towards the missing murder board. “You think that I’m doing all of this because I _want_ to?” Her voice goes hard. “I told you when I came to you that he got away and I didn’t care, that all I wanted was you. Did you think I was lying?”

She sees him flinch at the sudden fire in her words. His response is quiet, though. “I didn’t think that you were lying.”

“So then I changed my mind? Is that what you think?”

“No, I just…”

All the fire goes out of her then, and she steps away from him. “If that’s what you think…if that’s what everyone thinks, then how can I even consider going back to the force?” She reaches her arm behind her to gesture toward him. “If even you don’t believe me, how can I stand up in front of the disciplinary board, in front of Gates and tell them it won’t happen again? How can I ever be a detective again?” She crumples against her counter and behind her he’s silent for a long time.

When he comes up behind her, she can feel his fingertips gentle on her shoulder. “You want to go back?” he asks softly.

“Maybe. I don’t know. Is that crazy?”

“No. Of course not.” He makes it sound matter of fact. Totally reasonable. “I’d be more concerned if you didn’t want to.”

“Do you think I can?” Her voice is small.

“Kate, you are the strongest person I know. You can do whatever you set your mind to.” He pauses, sliding his fingers down her arms and taking her hands in his. “As long as you decide you want to.” 

She replies softly, “Maybe this time you’re wrong.”

He turns he until she looks up at him. “I’m hardly ever wrong,” he says, smirking.

She scoffs. “Except for almost every theory you come up with.”

“Does this mean we’re done fighting?”

She sighs. “I’m not done being angry, but I guess this will have to be your freebie.”

“Huh?” The bridge of his nose crinkles in adorable confusion.

“Your mom told me you’d do something stupid. Asked me to remember it was because you cared too much.”

His eyes go wide. “My mother told you that?”

She nods, chuckling. “She said it was her one piece of meddling.”

“Yeah, right,” he says sarcastically. “I’m sure she’ll prove that wrong.”

“But next time…”

“You’ll shoot me?”

“Just maybe.”

~*~*~*~*~

There’s a delay before the phone is answered, then some fumbling. “Javier, what the hell are you doing calling me at…” She pauses. “Two-thirty in the morning. If you’re hoping for some booty, you are shit-out-of-luck.”

“That is not why I called.”

“Why _did_ you call?”

“I just wanted to talk.”

“To me?”

“Yeah.”

“Now?”

“I just got home. I didn’t know it was so late.” He lowers his voice. “I’m sorry I woke you.”

“No, you’re not.” She sighs and he can hear her shuffling around, sitting up. “Where were you, anyway?”

“We met at Castle’s and then I went home with Beckett.”

“Why did you go home with Beckett? What happened to Castle?”

“They had a fight.”

She groans. “What did he do now?” 

“He, uh…” He hesitates for a moment, then finally admits, “Asked me to arrange for some guys to protect her, have her back.”

“And didn’t tell her?”

“Yeah. She wasn’t happy.”

“But she let _you_ follow her home?”

“I didn’t really give her a choice,” he says gruffly.

“Of course you didn’t,” she says half-teasingly then she’s quiet for a long moment. “Javi, what are we doing here? Is this to make up for the buddy time you’re missing because of your spat with Ryan?”

He doesn’t know which part of her accusation to react to first, and because he still doesn’t know what he wants to tell her, he chooses what seems easier at the time. “Lanie,” he growls, “It’s not a spat.”

“Well, what is it then? Because I don’t get it. Yes, he went to Gates, but from what you and Beckett said, it sounded like he didn’t have a choice.”

“He could have backed us up without bringing in Gates,” he insists stubbornly. 

“And then gotten you all in deeper trouble for trying to hide it.” He can hear her curls bouncing around her face as she shakes her head. “Has anyone ever told you that you are a mule?”

He ignores the jab and goes on, “But that’s not all, anyway. He just wasn’t there for the team, for Beckett.”

“What are you talking about, Javier Esposito?”

“For months he’s been acting like a Castle groupie, trying to spin the stories, come up with ridiculous theories.”

“And this is a problem, why exactly? It sounds like he was just having fun.”

“Because Castle was freezing Beckett out. Acting like an ass. Flaunting that bimbo. And there’s Ryan, finding himself a new partner.”

“Sounds pretty petty to me.”

“Lanie, we’re supposed to look out for our own. He’s not even a cop.”

“You mean, like you’ve been looking out for your partner instead of racing after Beckett’s crazy stunts?”

“I was looking out for our squad leader.”

“Well, so was he. You just did it differently.”

The thought hangs in the space between them and Esposito wants to kick something. “I didn’t call to fight with you about Ryan.”

“Yeah, well why did you call, then?”

He takes a breath, stalling. “Something’s going to go down in the next day or two. There doesn’t seem to be any question that Beckett’s the last loose end for this guy. I just…didn’t want anything to happen without talking to you without telling you…”

She gives him time before prompting gently, “Telling me what?”

“That I care about you. I want to find a way to fix this.”

“That’s a start, but you better not be telling me this because you’ve got some stupid plan to be a hero. Ryan’s got the precinct involved, right? Let them take him down.”

“I’m not going to screw it up a second time,” he insists doggedly. “We need to put this guy away.”

When she speaks again, it’s so soft he can barely hear her. “Just don’t get hurt Javi. You better not go and get yourself hurt when we just started to figure this thing out.”

 

_to be continued…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They haven’t even begun to deal with the aftermath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to **zandra_court** and **callsign_buzz** for correcting my police procedure and helping me be more clear. You guys rock.

~*~*~*~*~

Ryan is reviewing the notes sent by the DC police when his phone buzzes with a text message.

Esposito: _Maddox just went into the apartment building across from Beckett’s._

Ryan has to reread the text twice and check the number before he believes that Esposito actually wrote to him. Granted, it’s just about the case, but maybe it’s a start. Before he has a chance to respond, Esposito sends the address.

Ryan: _We’ll run it down and find out what unit he’s in. I’ll bring a team._

Esposito: My guys will follow him as long as they can.

Once he clicks the phone off, Ryan pulls together a SWAT team and tasks someone with running down Maddox’s specific address in the building. While they are assembling, Ryan taps on the Captain’s office door.

“What is it, Detective?” she asks distractedly, making another note on the report she’s got in front of her before looking up at him.

“We got a lead on Cole Maddox in the building across from Beckett’s place. I was planning to take a team down there and bring him in as soon as we have a specific address within the building.”

Gates puts down her pen, instantly alert. “I didn’t know there was anyone working this case besides you at this point.” She eyes him evenly. “Who exactly got a lead on him?”

Ryan swallows. “Castle hired some security for Beckett. They said they’d let me know if they saw him.”

“Just who is this security detail?”

“Esposito is heading it up. It’s mostly guys he knows from the service.”

Her gaze hardens. “Esposito cannot be involved in a police investigation while he is suspended.”

He’d known it would be next to impossible to hide Esposito’s involvement – and he isn’t necessarily trying to – but Gates was not the person to mess with when it came to the regs. Still, after Beckett had left with Esposito last night, Castle had told him that it was Esposito himself who’d said his guys couldn’t engage Maddox unless there was an imminent threat to Beckett’s life. It’s because of this that he’s able to speak more confidently than he feels. “His role is to keep Beckett safe. If he finds out anything that helps locate Maddox, he’s passing it along.”

She stares at him for a long moment before speaking. “Let’s make sure it stays that way.”

“Of course.”

Unfortunately, by the time Ryan’s team reaches the building, Maddox has left again. One of Esposito’s men has followed him to a dark blue Civic and Ryan runs down the plate. 

He uses the opportunity while he’s away from the precinct to check in with Castle and Beckett at her apartment and Esposito joins them for a brief meeting.

“Now that we’ve got a location we can stake it out and keep an eye on Beckett’s place,” Ryan tells the group.

Castle narrow his eyes. “Are you sure a stake-out is a good idea? Won’t he spot a squad car?”

“We can post officers undercover and rotate them some to minimize that.” Ryan turns to his reluctant partner. “Esposito, can your guys cover the back entrance of this building? The front entrance is visible from Maddox’s building across the street, but I’ll need to put a team on the back entrance of Maddox’s building as well.”

“Yeah, sure,” he mumbles, giving a curt nod at Ryan. “What about the fire escape on this building?”

“I was thinking…” Ryan pauses, unsure about the suggestion, and wary of exacerbating the tension between he and Esposito. “I was thinking that you and I should cover it.” Off Esposito’s disapproving look, he adds, “You’re in contact with your people and I’ll be in contact with the units from the precinct. We can coordinate better if we’re together.”

Esposito gives a grudging shrug and a gruff, “Fine.”

“What about us?” Castle asks. Beckett turns in surprise and he says, “What? Are we just supposed to sit here?”

“That’s exactly what you do,” Esposito says, his tone commanding. “It’s easier to defend you if you’re in one place. And stay away from that bedroom window that faces the building Maddox has chosen to hole up in. We’ll be watching there and here. Hopefully he’ll be apprehended long before he gets to you. Just in case though…” He turns to Beckett. “You armed?”

She nods. “Yes, I’ve got my own gun.”

“What about him?” He nods his head toward Castle.

“I’m right here,” Castle protests. All eyes turn toward him, at which point he says sheepishly, “I’ve got a gun, but no carry permit, so it’s at home.” They looks surprised and he shrugs. “It’s hard to get a carry permit in New York City, but I’m sure Beckett has a bat around here somewhere.”

She shakes her head. “A bat?”

“A baseball bat,” he explains.

“Why would I have a baseball bat?”

He waves his hand around the room. “To beat off intruders.”

“Castle, I have a gun.”

“Hmm…” he pauses, thoughtful. “A rolling pin?”

She manages a simultaneous eye roll and shake of her head.

“Well, I guess it’s a frying pan, then,” he says matter-of-factly.

Ryan can’t help but glance at Esposito and swears he sees a tiny smirk, but it disappears as quickly as it had appeared.

“No,” she says pointedly. “What is going to happen is that you’re going to stay out of the way.” He starts to protest, but her fierce glare silences him.

~*~*~*~*~

He and Ryan agree to meet up after checking in with their teams but even so Esposito is surprised that Ryan gets up to leave when he does. He’d thought Ryan would hang around to share bits with his pal, Castle. Or to tell them things he didn’t want to share with Esposito. Maybe, though, he got some alone-time vibes from the two of them. Whatever the reason he can hear Ryan’s measured gait from the other end of the hallway. He punches the elevator button and starts when the door opens immediately. He steps inside, pressing the button for the lobby before backing up to the wall and crossing his arms tightly across his chest. The doors start to close and he doesn’t reach to stop them, but before they seal a hand reaches in to stop them and they jerk back open.

“What the hell, Javi?”

He can’t bring himself to do more than shrug.

“What is your problem?”

He doesn’t look up, just growling out in response, “You _know_ what the problem is. You created the problem.”

“I’m sick of this crap.” The vehemence in Ryan’s voice forces his eyes up. The younger detective is usually the calmer, more collected of the two of them, but when he gets worked up, he’s fierce. “You followed Beckett off on her suicide mission and the two of you almost get killed, but I’m the bad guy because I saved your asses?”

Esposito glares back, just as heated. “Oh, is that the way you’ve written the story in your head?”

The elevator dings abruptly, swallowing Ryan’s retort, and Esposito takes the opportunity to exit and head for the front door of the building.

He’s halfway across the lobby when Ryan grabs him by the shoulder. He turns sharply, intentionally shoving Ryan’s arm and taking a little pleasure in the fact that he knocks him slightly off balance. “Get your hand off me.”

“Dammit, Esposito, always walking away...” Esposito shakes his head and turns away. “If you’d backed me up we could have talked her out of it, come up with a different plan. You’re supposed to be my _partner_.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“If you’re supposed to be _my_ partner, then why do you spend so much time playing fanboy to Castle. You’re a cop, not a storyteller.”

Ryan looks incredulous. “This is about Castle? You’re jealous of Castle?”

“No, it’s about the team. Of _cops_. That’s who we owe our loyalty to, not some tagalong civilian, especially when he’s acting like an asshole.” 

Ryan doesn’t look entirely convinced, but he hasn’t responded either.

Leaning in, his voice low, Esposito says, “Beckett needed us, and you were off spinning tales.”

Ryan’s reply is soft, but just as fierce. “What Beckett needed was for us to be a team and rein her in. When did that stop being important to you?” He waits for an answer that Esposito doesn’t have and finally huffs in frustration, “Fine. I’m going to go check-in with my team.” He walks away, the door of the building opening with a vicious shove.

Esposito sighs and pulls out his phone to check on his team as well. He can’t help hearing Ryan’s words in Lanie’s voice and he knows if she were here she would smack him upside the head.

~*~*~*~*~

Castle watches Beckett pace, fiddle with her gun, check the deadbolt on the door, pull out her phone, and pace again.

“This is killing you isn’t?”

She turns quickly, almost as if she’s surprised to see him there. “What?”

“For it to be out of your hands. Not to be down there running things.”

He can see her gathering an argument, then the sigh as she answers, “I just feel so useless here.”

“You’re not useless. You’re the bait.”

She narrows her eyes. “And exactly how does that make it better?”

“I didn’t say it was better. The last thing I want is for you to be a target.”

She gives a defeated shrug and keeps pacing.

“You need a distraction,” he says with a smirk.

“Seriously, Castle? Now?”

He grins. “I love that your mind goes there, but no, not that.” He rummages in the drawer of her coffee table and finds a deck of cards and a box of poker chips. She looks dubious and he says softly, “We have no idea how long we’ll be waiting or even if he’ll come tonight. It’s just something to pass the time.”

She checks her phone once more before placing it on the table and sitting down across from him. “Okay, so what are the stakes?” 

Castle grins and holds up a white chip. “Coffee.” A red chip. “Dinner.” Then he picks up a blue one and twists it in his fingers as he waggles his eyebrows. “ _Favors_.”

“Oh really?” she says, lips stretching into an amused smile. “You are shameless.”

He just gives a guilty shrug, willing to concede almost anything if it will keep the worry at bay.

~*~*~*~*~

When it starts, it’s only a matter of minutes before it’s over. Ryan looks up at the sound of Esposito’s feet pounding down the pavement from the other end of the short block at the end of Beckett’s building. “Went in the back door,” he says in a rush. “My guys are pursuing.”

 

Beckett’s phone buzzes and she reads it quickly. “Castle, get in the bedroom,” she hisses loudly.

“What? Why?” he asks, heading toward her.

“He went in the back door. He’s on his way up.” She keeps gesturing toward her bedroom as she backs up and crouches behind her sofa. The look she gives him is desperate. “Please, Castle.”

 

Ryan glances toward the fire escape and Esposito seems to read his mind. In one fluid motion Ryan is hoisted up to pull down the ladder and then he hurries up it, Esposito’s muffled steps right behind him. Beckett’s apartment is on the fourth floor. They’ve just reached the landing of the second floor, when a window slides open above them. Esposito pulls Ryan flat against the wall, partially concealed under a window air conditioning unit.

“Maddox?” Ryan mouths as someone climbs out onto the fire escape ahead of them.

Esposito nods as Ryan rounds the corner to follow Maddox farther up the fire escape.

 

Castle isn’t expecting the shattering of glass behind him, so Maddox is almost through the window before he gets off a whack with the frying pan and he’s so tense that the motion throws him off balance and allows the intruder to haul him into a headlock and press a gun to his side. He can hear Beckett’s footsteps pounding as she crosses the living room toward the bedroom.

Castle feels Maddox tense, feels the point of the gun shift toward the door. “Beckett, no! He’s going to-”

 

Ryan is close enough to hear the scuffle inside as Maddox enters the house. _Shit._ What were they doing in the bedroom? He gets to the window as Castle yells, aims his gun as Maddox lifts his own at Beckett, pulls his trigger in the instant before Maddox can.

 

Castle screams when he hears the shot, breaking out in a run toward Beckett, catching her in his arms. “No, no,” he whispers in anguish. “Not again.”

She shushes him with soft hands across his cheeks, kisses peppered across his brow. “I’m okay, Castle. I’m okay.”

It’s only then that he turns to see Ryan standing over the body of Maddox sprawled on the floor and Esposito crawling through the broken window, and hears Ryan say in an undertone to Esposito, “Thanks for the back-up, man.”

~*~*~*~*~

Beckett isn’t surprised that Gates leads the team that responds to Ryan’s call into dispatch. With two suspended officers involved, she’ll have to make sure that everything is by the book. She is surprised at how much she feels she’s got something to prove when Gates does arrive.

They’ve done everything right. The body is in the bedroom while they wait patiently in the living room. Ryan’s team is canvassing for witnesses and Esposito’s guys talk quietly in the corner of the room. At some point Lanie arrives and gives them all a look of relief before getting started on the body.

Castle hasn’t let go of Beckett’s hand since they sat down on the couch, and he hasn’t said anything either, as if words will somehow break the spell that has kept them all unharmed. Once the captain arrives, however, he slips his hand from hers and it unleashes a stream of nervous chatter.

“Well,” Gates says, “everyone had better be very clear about what happened here, because you two…” She glances at Esposito and Beckett. “Are on very thin ice.”

Castle immediately jumps to their defense. “He was going to- He grabbed me. He was waiting for Ka-” He trips over the words. “He was waiting for Detective Beckett to come in the room after me. He was going to shoot her. His gun was-”

He’s cut off by Gates, who directs officers to debrief each of them separately, but not before she raises an eyebrow at the use of Beckett’s title. Kate is sure that his mistake is more about not revealing anything about their relationship rather than because he’s making a point, but she’s pleased to see that Gates does not correct him.

Gates chooses to question Beckett personally, directing them back to the couch and gesturing for Beckett to sit. Tilting her head toward the table, she asks, “Poker?”

Beckett can’t help but think about some of the ‘favors’ they’d been playing for, and she ducks her head until the flush clears from her cheeks. “Castle got sick of me pacing.”

“So, you’ve been in your apartment since…?” Gates prompts.

“All day, actually. Once Maddox was spotted, they thought I’d be safer staying in one place.”

Gates gives a quick nod. “Tell me what happened.”

“Esposito’s guys saw Maddox come in the back door. He texted me to let me know and I told Castle to go in the bedroom.” She stops, shaking her head. “I thought that meant he was coming up the stairs to that door.” Pointing to the front door angrily, she goes on, “I should have known. I shouldn’t have sent Castle in there. I should have thought about the fire escape.” She sighs, frustrated, and rubs a hand across tired eyes.

“It was good instinct to get him out of the way,” Gates says generously. “What happened next?”

“I heard the window break in the bedroom, and a crash. I ran towards it. Castle was warning me away. I had just turned the corner when Maddox went down. It wasn’t until after that I knew Ryan had fired the shot.”

“Did Maddox have a gun?”

Beckett nods dumbly, remembering the barrel of the gun so close to Castle’s chest, but shifting, moving at the same time. “He was holding Castle sideways. He didn’t have to move the gun much to point it at me. When the gun went off, Castle thought he’d shot me.”

“How do you know it was Ryan who shot him?”

“Esposito was behind him. He was still coming through the window when it was all over.”

Gates writes something in her notebook. She looks up, but before she can say anything else, Lanie calls from the next room, “There’s a wound on his head. Anyone have any idea what caused it?”

Beckett glances at the bedroom, then back at the captain, who nods. Getting up, she walks over to the bedroom door and Lanie looks up from where she’s bent over Maddox’s body. She can hear several footsteps behind her.

“Yeah,” Beckett answers. “That was Castle. He hit him with that.” She points and all eyes turn to the frying pan lying a few feet from the body.

Gates narrows her eyes. “Castle hit him with a _frying pan_?”

“Well, she didn’t have a rolling pin,” Castle explains, hands going up in a gesture of innocence. “Did I really wound him?”

Lanie picks up the pan gingerly and flips it over. “There’s a bit of an edge here. That’s what cut him.”

“It didn’t slow him down much.” Castle looks up at Beckett. “I think you need to invest in some cast iron.”

“Yeah, I’ll get right on that,” she scoffs, but when she looks back at him, she sees him really breathe for the first time since the gunshot. They share a pair of soft smiles, which are interrupted only by Ryan coming over with a concerned look on his face, and pulls them aside.

The four of them huddled with the captain feels like old times, and Beckett feels a tug of want. When they’re all gathered, Ryan starts, “I just finished debriefing with the rest of my team and Esposito’s security and there was something I noticed.”

“Go on,” the captain prompts.

He pauses, takes a breath and then dives in, “The thing is, there was something odd about how Maddox’s movements. He never went back to the apartment across the street after we tracked it down. He skirted around all of the officers that were on watch and picked the only entrance to Beckett’s building not being watched by cops.” He lowers his voice and leans in. “It’s like he knew where we were.”

“What exactly are you saying, Detective?”

He gives a resigned shrug. “We’ve known for a while that this case had connections within the department, and probably still does. But this is starting to feel even more widespread than I had expected.”

“That’s a serious accusation to make.”

“I know.”

Gates looks back at him, eyes narrowed and fierce. “It’s about time I took a serious look at all the files surrounding this case. I don’t like the smell of this.”

Beckett looks around the group, sharing cautious glances with the rest, wondering if they’ve managed to find an ally or uncovered an obstacle.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to **callsign_buzz** for reading this in time for me to get it posted before the premiere. I really appreciate the thoughtful questions and comments.

~*~*~*~*~

The night before the hearing is the first night since she started seeing Castle that she wants to be alone. She’s messed up and conflicted and tense. He can tell, of course, and she knows this because he’s letting her be, not cajoling her into talking as he usually would. They’ve eaten their take-out and he’s directed her toward the couch with her wine glass. She’s flipping aimlessly through his hundreds of TV channels when he finishes the dishes and joins her.

“Hey,” he says, reaching over to massage her neck with his strong fingers. She isn’t thinking when she shrugs him off out of reflex, but from the way that he jerks back she knows he’s hurt. “I’m just going to go do some writing,” he says gruffly. “I’ll be in my office if you need me.”

The old Kate would have taken this as an opportunity to escape to her own apartment, to the safety of solitude, and the temptation to do that lingers. Lately though, since spending so much time in the loft with Castle, her apartment seems spare and utilitarian in comparison, and though she hates to admit it, even to herself, the specter of Maddox sprawled dead on her bedroom floor is hard to shake. So instead of leaving she curls herself into the corner of the couch and lets it surround her, comforted by his space and the faint tapping of keys she can hear from the other room. When she gets tired of channel surfing, she switches over to his DVR, curious to see what she’ll find. Scrolling through, she grins, staring. Putting down the remote, she pads tentatively over to the office. She knows he’s mad, so she hovers in the doorway. “Hey.”

He looks up, eyes guarded. “You’re still here.”

It stings that he expected otherwise. “Yeah.”

Too long passes before he says evenly, “I’m glad.”

She gives him a hesitant smile. “I noticed you recorded a Julia Childs marathon. I thought maybe…”

He jumps up quickly, flipping his laptop closed with a thump. “I’d love to.” When he walks up to her he starts to reach out and she leans into his palm, lets him drop a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

He shakes his head, brushing off her apology. “I’m here for you. I understand if you don’t want to talk.”

She smiles in acknowledgement then tips her head toward the TV. “Let’s watch The French Chef.”

Once they’re seated she snuggles wordlessly against him. His arm across the back of the couch feels reassuring rather than stifling. Watching Julia navigate her kitchen in ancient black and white calms her and she feels the tension begin to drain from her muscles.

A chuckle rumbles out of Castle’s chest. “There’s nothing this woman can’t fix with a splash of brandy.”

She nods, then pushes the words past the lump in her throat. “I want to go back.”

He nods.

“No, I _really_ want to go back. What if they won’t let me?”

“Kate, you’re the best homicide detective they’ve got and they know it.”

“Castle…”

“They’d be stupid not to want you back,” he says firmly. “But even if they’re idiots you’ll find another way to use that brilliant mind.”

She’s quiet for a long moment before answering sulkily, “I don’t want another way. I want to go back to the Twelfth.”

He leans in to kiss her temple, whispering reassuringly, “They’re not idiots.”

~*~*~*~*~

The hearing begins with introductions of the three-member review board. Captain Barrett is a white-haired veteran policeman who, in another setting, would look downright kindly. The second, Sergeant Munro looks to be in his early thirties with that hard-nosed, holier-than-thou attitude Beckett has seen before in new IA recruits. Lieutenant Carpenter, the third member of the board is a middle-aged woman whose expression is hard to read. Beckett and Esposito sit at one of the two tables in the room, flanked by the union’s legal counsel and Captain Gates sits at the second table.

They begin with a reading of the specific charges and a summary of Captain Gates’ report. Their counselors ask only a few questions, limited to the Captain’s general assessment of the detectives’ performance. Gates seems reluctant to admit that they are both skilled detectives with an admirable case closure rate. Barrett dips his head in acknowledgement and turns his attention to Esposito.

“Detective Esposito, can you tell us what happened on the date of May 10?”

Esposito nods. “We were working the murder of Orlando Costas. We had traced our suspect by a rental car key fob and identified him as Cole Maddox. By tracing the location of his rental car we were able to find the hotel where he was staying. The manager let us into the room.”

“Us? That would be you and Detective Beckett?” asks Lieutenant Carpenter, glancing at Beckett, her expression still a mystery.

“Yes, Detective Ryan was at the precinct tracking the GPS on the rental car.”

“The two of you went without backup?” the woman continues.

“We were prepared to call in backup if needed.” Beckett can tell Esposito is trying to project a calm non-defensive attitude, but she knows him well and sees the tension beneath the surface.

“Isn’t it typical procedure to take backup with you when taking down a known suspect?”

“Yes.”

“And you didn’t because…”

“This case linked back to Beckett’s shooting.” He takes a breath. “Which had connections to former detectives. We were concerned about advertising the takedown too broadly.”

“Even to your Captain?” she presses.

Beckett watches him hesitate briefly and feels a pang of guilt about the question. It was her decision not to tell Gates, but he will never tell them that. “We needed to follow up on the lead quickly.”

They don’t look convinced but the older officer glances at the other two and continues the questioning. “What happened when you got to the hotel room?”

“We found the files that had been stolen from Captain Montgomery’s house. Before we had a chance to call in backup, Maddox came back.”

“And…?”

Esposito pauses, then admits reluctantly, “He killed the manager, then knocked down Detective Beckett when she left the room. I followed and he, uh, took me down too. Beckett got her gun back and followed him to the roof.”

“Where she was almost killed?”

“Yes.” Esposito looks as though he is going to be ill and in that moment Beckett understands, in a way she hasn’t until now, how much guilt Esposito has been holding onto about his being incapacitated and unable to protect her. It brings on a renewed sense of shame about the careless way in which she had put them all in jeopardy.

“Were you aware at the time that your actions were not the within protocol?”

“Yes.”

“That will be all, Detective Esposito.”

He grimaces at the sudden dismissal and throws Beckett a worried glance as the same officer turns to her, a stern look on his aging features.

“Detective Beckett, can you tell us what you know about the events of May 10?”

“The facts of the case provided by Detective Esposito were correct.”

“You had traced the suspect, Cole Maddox, to a hotel?”

“Yes.”

“And you went alone, without backup?”

“Yes, that was my decision. I ordered Detective Esposito to come with me.”

“And you didn’t inform Captain Gates?”

Beckett takes a deep breath, steeling herself to lay it all on the table. “No.”

“Why not?”

“We had found a connection between this case and my shooting.” She lets out a breath and admits, “I didn’t want to be taken off the case.”

The younger officer, Sergeant Munro, looks vindicated and she can see disappointment flash through the eyes of the other two IA investigators. Meeting their gaze, she adds, “It was not the right choice and the responsibility for it is mine.” 

Lieutenant Carpenter lifts her eyebrow ever so slightly, asking, “Did Detective Esposito question your choice?”

“I didn’t give him the opportunity to question it,” Beckett says firmly. “It was my decision and my decision alone to go after Maddox like that.”

The woman pauses, giving a small nod. Beckett can feel Esposito glaring from the seat next to her. 

The older man takes over the questioning again, a business-like tone in his voice. “Detective Esposito said that you followed the suspect onto the roof. Can you tell us what happened after that?”

She closes her eyes ever so briefly. “I followed him up the stairs and around the corner of the stairway entrance. He doubled back around and grabbed me and disarmed me. We fought and I ended up being thrown over the edge of the building. He walked away while I was holding onto the edge. Detective Ryan and Captain Gates showed up with a team and pulled me up.”

“And if Detective Ryan had not alerted Captain Gates and brought backup for you…?”

“I would have died.” She says the words calmly, though they hit her with a fresh sense of stupidity at her willingness to throw her life away.

The white-haired IA officer gives a reproving nod and he looks so much like a disappointed grandfather that she almost apologizes. Before she gives in to the impulse, Sergeant Munro asks sharply, “Detective Beckett, in her report Captain Gates told us she didn’t believe that you planned to return to the force, despite the outcome of this hearing.”

“That was my initial reaction. The case made me realize that I needed to step away figure out what my priorities are.”

“And what have you determined?”

“If this board determines it is possible, I would like to continue my work as a homicide detective.” She meets his gaze steadily. “I realize that in order to do that effectively I need to let go of this case.”

He leans forward, locking eyes with her. “Do you think that you can do that?”

She thinks back to the roof, her fingers slipping off the edge, that moment of knowing that she’d never see Castle again. “Yes, I do.”

“Even with all evidence to the contrary.”

She allows a moment to take in a calming breath and let it out, refusing to take the bait. “With respect, Sergeant, I had let go of it. We were well into the Costas murder investigation before we uncovered the link to my shooting.”

“But at that point you chose not to bring in your captain.”

“And I said earlier that was a mistake.”

“One that you will make again?”

“No sir.”

He leans back to confer in whispers with the other two members of the review board. They look as though they are about to call for a break, when Lieutenant Carpenter turns steely eyes on her and asks, “Can you fill us in on the attack at your apartment?”

Beckett nods. “About a week after these events, someone broke into my apartment. Nothing was taken except for the personal files I had collected about my mother’s murder. Two days later, Maddox came into my apartment and tried to kill me. Detective Ryan shot him before he could shoot me.”

“We’re very glad that none of you were hurt in this attack,” she says kindly, then asks, “It sounds like you were expecting such an attack. What was your involvement in the robbery investigation?”

“After the break-in at my apartment Detective Esposito and Richard Castle, the writer who has been shadowing me, had arranged for a private security detail for me. They were the ones who reported to Detective Ryan that Maddox had been seen in the building across from my apartment. Detective Esposito coordinated with Detective Ryan only to share information that the security team found, but he did not have a role in the investigation.”

“And your role…?”

Beckett manages a grim smile. “My role was to sit quietly in my apartment.” Lieutenant Carpenter raises her eyebrow and Captain Barrett actually gives her a full-out smile.

“I’m glad that you were successful,” he says, nodding to her. “Detective Beckett.” He turns to Esposito. “Detective Esposito. We will take a break and come back in a half hour.” He slides his chair back from the table and rises, heading to the rear entrance of the hearing room.

~*~*~*~*~

Esposito welcomes the break in the hearing, quickly heading to the door on the pretense of a bathroom break. He hears Beckett following close behind him. When he opens the door, he is surprised and pleased to see Lanie leaning against the wall across the hallway, talking quietly to Castle. He barely notices the door slam behind him.

Lanie wraps Beckett in a wordless hug, then Castle peels away from Lanie and falls in step with Beckett, walking with her to a windowed alcove at the end of the hallway. He can see how hard they’re fighting to keep from reaching for each other and it makes him suddenly anxious for a quiet moment with Lanie. 

“Hey.”

“Hey back,” she says softly.

“You’re here.”

She nods, then tilts her head to the side. “Is that okay?”

His fingers brush her waist and she slides into his arms. “More than okay,” he whispers into her hair as he pulls her tightly against his chest. He hasn’t seen her since the night at Beckett’s, though they’ve talked on the phone a few times. “It’s really good to see you.”

She moves back gradually to look him in the eye. “How is it going?”

He gives a noncommittal shrug. “Probably better for me than for Beckett, since she’s taking all the responsibility.”

The look she pins him with is stern. “As she should.”

“I just don’t want her to jeopardize her chances to come back.”

“Any sense where they stand on that?”

“It’s hard to tell. The attempt on her life may actually work in her favor.”

Lanie frowns. “That’s pretty morbid.” He shrugs again and she reaches for his hand. “And you? Are you ready to go back? Things any better with Ryan?”

He tenses and says gruffly, “I’m just going to wait and see what the board says.”

~*~*~*~*~

Ryan can see the surprise, the alarm, on Beckett and Esposito’s faces when they see him sitting at the second table when they return from the break. When they take their seats Captain Barrett turns to them and says, “We heard from Captain Gates earlier…” He nods across the room at her. “And now Detective Ryan has asked to speak.”

Ryan hasn’t cleared this with any of them so Gates is shooting daggers at him while Beckett and Esposito look completely perplexed.

“What did you want to share with this board?”

“I just thought, uh…” Ryan stammers, then takes a breath, forcing calm. “I thought it would help if the board had some of the background. I thought it would help explain Detective Beckett’s actions.”

Sergeant Munro cuts in. “They’ve both admitted their actions were wrong. Does it matter why?”

Ryan turns to the Captain Barrett. “I just think it will help if you understand.”

“Go on,” the older one says, while the younger officer fumes.

“Detective Beckett’s shooting was connected to her investigation of her mother’s murder, as well as several other murders at the same time, which we know had connections within the police department, including Detectives Raglan and McAllister. A number of more recent events seem to indicate that whoever is behind those murders still has connections within the department.” 

He’s clearly got their attention now, because the room has gone completely silent, but he senses he doesn’t have long to make his point, so he just begins listing them. “Detective Raglan was killed while he was meeting with Detective Beckett – a meeting he had initiated to give her information about her mother’s murder. We were able to apprehend his killer, but only after he beat us to a witness and ambushed Detective Esposito and I. He held us in a warehouse and tried to get information about how much we knew about the case.”

“I’m failing to see the point of all of this, Detective Ryan,” Captain Barrett cuts in.

“Well, there’s more. A prison official was bribed to transfer Lockwood into the general population where he killed McAllister while Detective Beckett was on the premises. Taken individually, each of these events seems like a coincidence, but all together, it’s as though our actions were being anticipated. And it’s the reason Detective Beckett felt that she needed to take precautions about sharing information about the Costas case too broadly. Once the connection was made to Beckett’s shooter, we had every reason to believe she was in danger.” He looks them in the eyes. “And, of course, the recent attempt on her life seems to confirm that.”

“That’s a serious accusation, Detective Ryan.” It’s Lieutenant Carpenter this time, but she looks like she’s at least considering taking him seriously.

“I know,” he replies.

“What was your role in this situation? Did you agree with Detective Beckett and Detective Esposito’s actions?”

He can’t look at any of them when he answers. “I understood why she felt she had to do it and I wished we could have found another solution.”

She frowns slightly. “Well, thank you for bringing this to our attention. We’ll confer for a moment and consider our decision.

The board members are far enough across the room that their conversation is a series of low murmurs. Ryan sneaks a glance at Beckett and Esposito long enough to catch their stone-faced expressions before turning his attention to his hands clenched together on the top of the table.

It seems like ages but is probably only a few minutes when the officers turn back to them.

The oldest one takes charge. “We are prepared to share our decision. The incidents of May 10th were a violation of police procedure and Detectives Beckett and Esposito endangered their own lives as well as those of civilians. The recent attempt on Detective Beckett’s life does mitigate the situation somewhat, but she, as the commanding officer, was clearly in the wrong. Detective Ryan’s observations notwithstanding, she had an obligation to protect the safety of her team. As her actions were a violation of procedure, Detective Esposito had a responsibility to question her actions. We therefore find that the unpaid suspensions will continue for one more week for Detective Esposito and two more weeks for Detective Beckett. At the end of their suspensions, they will return to the Twelfth Precinct where Captain Gates will have wide latitude with respect to probationary measures. Any further violations will be subject to immediate dismissal.” He pauses to look at Beckett and Esposito. “Is this understood?”

Together they respond, “Yes, sir.” Ryan lets out a sigh of relief as the officer adds, “So I think that concludes our business for the day. Let’s not see you two here again.”

He watches Beckett and Esposito nod dumbly before getting up to leave. As the three of them leave the hearing room, Esposito sidles up next to him.

“That’s a dumb thing you did, putting a target on your back.”

Ryan gives an annoyed shrug.

“Gates is going to be pissed.”

He turns to eye Esposito and gives him a surly, “So?”

There’s a pause and Esposito says quietly, “Thanks for standing up for Beckett, bro.”

Ryan shrugs again. “It was the least I could do, what with the way she threw herself under the bus for you.”

~*~*~*~*~

They leave the hearing room with smiles on their faces. Castle and Lanie are sitting together talking but look up when the detectives come through the door. Castle gives Beckett a questioning lift of his brow and she nods, grinning as she walks toward him. “I’ve got two more weeks of suspension but then, yes, I’m going back.”

Beside her, Esposito wraps Lanie into him unabashedly. Beckett can see Castle start to reach for her, then glance around the hallway and stop. She’s itching to touch him as well and, finally, just throws herself into his arms. She hugs him fiercely, determined in that moment to start fighting for what she has, rather than always waiting until she’s almost lost it. Pulling away, she meets Castle’s eyes with a smile and sees a newfound confidence in his. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, wishing desperately that they didn’t have an audience.

“Always,” he says, and this time it feels like a different kind of promise.

Their moment is cut short by Captain Gates, her voice echoing sharply down the hallway. “Detective Ryan!” 

“Ooh, look who’s in the doghouse now,” Castle teases. 

Ryan glares at him and says sarcastically, “Did I mention how happy I was to have you all back?” 

 

_fin_


End file.
